In Moo-moo land, there once was a cow named Mercal the Milk-born. Mercal was owned by a farmer who also had three fat pigs. The pigs were hyper-active and loved playing with matches. So one day they set fire to the barn. The farmer, angry, became green and shot his wife who had previously milked a cow.

He wasn't sorry for the force of the shotgun which hit the Flying Robot Dog, which leaked out a hot-pink oil that was very serendipitous for Mercal. BOOM! There was suddenly a massive man in a terrifying pink cardigan. Mercal looked relieved. Unfortunately, Mercal's pants weren't flame retardant. But they were, fortunately, uber rainbow with yellow daisies. Thus flaming castration was an inevitable, yet happy occasion, due to the desire to be a man whore.

Since childhood, man-whoring had been an exciting sport involving a will to surmount any obstacle. He had always been excellent at doing these things. Then one day he had a particularly difficult client, who would not, despite INTENSE encouragement, agree to work with the he-cow. The He-Cow is typically reserved for He-Mans special dairy, but instead it was used to kiss a fat Tomar Webber that enjoys it immensely.

Songs were written about Tomar and the He-cow about the times they
shared together. Unfortunately, these songs have caused deafness in several unlucky individuals like Paullenna and Ally the Forgetful, also Preggy the beautiful princess from a far away Cow Kingdom, where Priggo ate kittens and got pregnant because kittens are a form of something that can give you AIDS!!!!!!!!

After Priggo visited his daughter in the far away land of peanut, and ate her, she came out and told him Mercal's fantastic tale. Which resulted in a huge fight between two cacti which names were Joe and Jim. Cake related injuries caused much dismay because someone decided flaming cake was the ultimate weapon for really making....