Yes, ladies and gentlemen. I am bitching about water.
We all know what water is. Apparently, our bodies contain a high percentage of water amidst our inner fluids. We require to drink it in order to survive, or so they say. For those of you who are short of memory, I have prepared a few of the following, just to ensure you've kept up with us.
Now, then. I've come and thus rejoined you that I may inform you- It is all a lie. People! Stop drinking your liquids! Based upon confidential research, I have discovered that water not only causes cancer and makes people vote towards John Howard, but it is, in fact, a vile toxin that will make your children stupid.
Nikblade and gentlemen, I give you;
The oticulous-tericurinarrifulicinaetaonalalalalalalajoesmells. Yes, this could be living - dwelling, if you will - in your local water source! And this is but the tip of the lollipop-burg. My friends, and people I tolerate whom despise me, we are facing an epidemic.
But it is more than that. Oh, yes, it is so much more. Have you ever questioned why Nirvana, popular band of the previous generation, informs their listeners that it is "Okay to eat fish, 'cause they don't have any feet"? It is because they wish to manipulate their mindless teenage masses they called 'fans' into devouring the fish, as fish often carry with them this sinister water. They, loved and hated, are the first of the cult. The cult has spread across the world, led by the Giant Spaghetti Monster, show below.
We must face them! Burn your Nirvana albums, drink only alcoholic beverages. But most of all- Cradle and shelter your waffles. For many of us may fall in this uprising against the water, and the followers of McSpaghetti. But we shall not falter! We shall rise to the challange! We shall start with The Bush.
I mean-
Onwards, my children. To the new dawn. To battle. To victory.
THIS IS SPARTA.
Disclaimers;
- Water is actually good for you.
- The Nirvana lyrics shown above, belonging to 'Something In The Way', are actually "They don't have any feelings"
- I do not support George Dubbleya.
- I like waffles.