Due to the shear amount of pop culture references, I have to say it's things that muggle-borns, and half-bloods shouldn't do at Hogwarts. You'll see what I mean.

1. I will not poke Hufflepuffs with spoons.
-Nor will I insist that their House colors indicate that they are "covered in bees".

2. No matter how good a fake Australian accent I can do, I will not imitate Steve Irwin during Care of Magical Creatures class.

3. Growing marijuana or hallucinogenic mushrooms is not "an extra credit project for Herbology".

4. The Giant Squid is not an appropriate date to the Yule Ball.

5. I will not use Umbridge's quill to write "I told you I was hardcore".

6. I will stop referring to showering as "giving Moaning Myrtle an eyeful".

7. Polishing my wand in the common room is acceptable. "Polishing my wand" in the common room is not.

8. "Springtime for Voldemort" is not an acceptable suggestion for the class play.

8. House elves are not acceptable replacements for Bludgers.

9. Starting a betting pool on the fate of this year's Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher is tasteless and tacky, not a clever money-making concept.

10. Adding the name "Bueller" to Professor Binns' roster is not funny.

11. If a classmate falls asleep, I will not take advantage of that fact and draw a Dark Mark on their arm.

12. Seamus Finnegan is not "after me Lucky Charms".

13. I will not refer to the Weasley twins as "bookends".
-Nor will I not refer to the Patil twins as "bookends".

14. The Slytherin prefect is named Draco Malfoy, not "Rocky Horror."

15. I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class.

16. I am not to refer to the Potions classroom as "Kitchen Stadium".

17. I will not tell Ron and Hermione to "Get a room" whenever they start to fight.

18. The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason.

19. I am not a tribble Animagus.
-I am not a sloth Animagus.

20. I am allowed to have a toad, rat, cat, or owl. I am not allowed to have a reticulated python, snow leopard, Tasmanian devil, or piranha.

21. I do not weigh the same as a duck.

22. Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar.

23. Sirius Black is not #24601.

24. I will not lick Trevor.

25. I will stop asking the Arithmancy teacher what the square root of -1 is.

26. I am not being repressed.

27. Calling Lucius Malfoy "Luscious Mouthful" is just plain gross.

28. I will not change the password to the prefects' bath to "Makes getting clean almost as much fun as getting dirty".

29. There is no such thing as an Invisibility Thong.

30. I am not a Pinball Wizard.

31. Asking "How do you keep a Gryffindor in suspense?" and walking away is only funny the first time.

32. I will not offer to pose nude for Colin Creevey.
-Nor will I not offer to pose nude for Dean Thomas.

33. It is a bad idea to tell Professor Snape he takes himself too seriously.
-It is also a bad idea to tell Professor McGonagall she takes herself too seriously.

34. Sir Cadogan is not one of the knights who say "NI".

35. I will stop asking when we will learn to make "Love Potion Number Nine".

36. I will not ask Dumbledore to show me the pointy hat trick.

37. I will not greet Professor McGonagall with "What's new, pussycat?"

38. There is not now, nor has there ever been, a fifth House at Hogwarts.
-Nor am I a member of that house or its founder.

39. I will not take out a life insurance policy on Harry Potter.

40. I will not call the Defence Against Dark Arts teacher Kenny, even if he is wearing an orange anorak.

41. There is no such thing as a were-thylacine.

42. I will not provide Luna Lovegood with Coast-to-Coast AM transcripts.

43. Tricking a school house elf into stripping does not mean that they are now mine, even if I yell "Pwned!".

44. I do not have a Dalek Patronus.

45. The Ravenclaws are not "Mentats in training".

46. Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is coincidental.

47. Professor Flitwick does not wish to be addressed as "Admiral Naismith".

48. I am not to Owl copies of the “Evil Overlord List” to suspected Death Eaters.

49. I will not teach the first-years to sing "A Wizard's Staff Has A Knob On The End".

50. If Ginny Weasley wanted to borrow my Darkover books, she would have said so already.

51. Hogwarts does not have a student council. Even if it did, they would not wear the rose seal. Therefore I will cease going after the prefects with a sword.

52. I cannot Hadoken anything into oblivion.
-Nor can I cast Ice 9 or Ultima.

53. The Giant Squid has never made an appearance in any hentai film.

54. It is wrong to refer to Aragog as "Charlotte".

55. I will not refer to the hippogryph as "Horseybird".

56. I am no longer allowed to use the words "pimp cane" in front of Draco Malfoy or any other Slytherin.

57. I will not "borrow" a prefects' badge for Peeves.

58. I am not the Defense Against the Boring Classes Professor.
-Nor am I the Care of Witches Underwear Professor.
-I am not a Professor, at all.

59. I will not replace Madam Pomfrey's Skele-Gro with pumpkin juice.
-I will not replace Professor Snape's pumpkin juice with Skele-Gro.
-It was not an honest mistake.

60. Chemistry and Potions don't mix.
-Testing this is not funny.

61. Professor Snape does not enjoy being called "Snookums".
-Neither does he respond favourably to "Sev", "Snapey-Poo" or "Debbie".

62. First years are not to be fed to Fluffy.

63. I will stop referring to Hufflepuffs as "cannon fodder."

64. I will not impersonate the Swedish Chef in Potions class.

65. I will not threaten the Fat Lady with Dip.

66. When fighting Death Eaters in the annual June battle of Good v. Evil, I will not lift my wand skyward and shout, "There can be only ONE!"

67. I am not to conjure the words "DRINK ME" onto the vial of any potion in Snape's classroom.

68. I will not put books of muggle fairy tales in the history section of the library.

69. I will not send pictures of magical creatures to the Weekly World News.

70. I am not permitted to utter the line: "Hey, Rocky, watch me pull a ___ out of my hat!" during Charms class.

71. When applying for a post at the Ministry of Magic after graduation, I should not cite "Fred and George Weasley" as my greatest influence at Hogwarts.
-Putting down "Lord Voldemort" is probably not best either.

72. I will not refer to Professor McGonagall as Catwoman, no matter how funny she would look in tight leather.
-Nor will I ask her if she is Catwoman in disguise.

73. Humming/singing/referring in any way to Duran Duran's "Hungry Like the Wolf" around Professor Lupin is inappropriate. It's best not to bring up "Thriller", either.
-I must never sing "Bad Moon Rising" around Professor Lupin.
-Or "Moondance".
-And definitely not "Werewolves of London".

74. I will not say the phrase “Dude, get a life” to Lord Voldermort.

75. I am not allowed to lock Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy in a closet to see if hot gay sex will occur.
-Nor am I allowed to lock anyone in a closet to see if any kind of sex will occur.

76. I may not have a private army.
-Not even if it technically belongs to someone else.

77. I am not the wicked witch of the west.
-I will not refer to Professor Umbridge as such either.

78. I will not melt if water is poured over me.
-Neither will Professor Umbridge.

79. I cannot attempt to recreate the Key to Time in Transfiguration class.
-Or transform a pepperpot into a Dalek.

80. If the new DADA teacher gives his name as "Dr. John Smith" or simply "The Doctor", prepare for the worst including but not limited to alien invasion, time travel and a possible apocalypse.

81. A time turner is not a flux capacitator, and I should therefore not install one in any Muggle cars.

82. "To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.
-No, not even though you are a witch.

83. I do not know the Avada Kedavra curse, and pretending I do to people who annoy me is not funny, no matter how much they injure themselves diving for cover.

84. The Muggle known as George W. Bush is not related to or working for Lord Voldemort in any way, and I am to stop insinuating that he is.

85. Luna Lovegood does not have pointed ears, nor is she to be addressed as 'Galadriel'.
-Lucius Malfoy also does not have pointed ears, nor is he to be addressed as 'Haldir'.
-Professor Snape definitely does not have pointed ears, and under no circumstances is he to be addressed as 'Spock'.

86. I am not to stare at the Great Hall ceiling during dinner in the winter and cry 'My god, it's full of stars!'

87. I am not to sing 'We're off to see the wizard, the wonderful wizard of Oz!' when sent to the Headmaster's office.
- I am definitely not to sing it accompanied by the house elves acting as a backing group.
-Especially not with kazoos.

88. I am not to hold my wand in the air before casting spells and shout 'I... HAVE... THE... POWER!!!'

89. The four Houses are not the Morons, the Borons, the Smartasses and the Junior Death Eaters.

90. Seamus Finnegan does not have a pot of gold under his bed.
-Or under his robe.

91. Draco Malfoy is not a ferret animagus.

92. Despite my personal beliefs, Quidditch would not improve by the introduction of muggle firearms.
-Though they are doubtless more athletic, battle axes are not acceptable either.

93. Robes are appropriate school wear. Bathrobes are not.

94. "OMGWTF" is not a spell.

95. The fact that there are only three unforgivable curses does not mean that every other curse is "pretty much forgivable".

96. I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss.

97. I am not allowed to introduce Peeves to paintballing.

98. I am not allowed to leave catnip out in Professor McGonagall's class.

99. I am not allowed to say "Bless you" every time someone mentions Quidditch.

100. I am not allowed to refer to Susan Bones, Hannah Abbott and Justin Finch-Fletchley as Blossom, Buttercup and Bubbles.

101. I am not allowed to ask Professor Dumbledore if the size of his beard is 'compensating for something'.

102. I will not cast the occasional Oblivate spell on Dumbledore. Even if it would be amusing.
-Not even if I want to try to convince others he's going senile

103. Enchanting the Sorting Hat to sort new students into the House of Martok, or any other Klingon house is forbidden.

104. Telling people that Professor Snape is an animagus and turns into a snake is not recommended.

105. I will not give Hagrid Pokémon cards and convince him that they are real animals.
-likewise, I will not tell First Year Muggle-borns that Pokémon battles are a part of the Care of Magical Creatures curriculum.

106. Though Mr. Filch does order in a lot of Chianti and Fava beans, he does not normally eat children.

107. I will not refer to Dumbledore as Methuselah.

108. Sesame Street(tm) is not the American equivalent of Diagon Alley.

109. I will not make my broom invisible and then fly/hover over a muggle town/city.

110. I am not allowed to request Bertie Botts every flavored bean soup to be served to anyone at any time. Even if it is April Fool's day.

111. I am not to tell Nearly Headless Nick that he'd forget his head if it wasn't attatched, as that is cruel.

112. Voldemort does not wish to appear in a Visine commercial.
-Or as the 'before' for a line of cosmetics.

113. Hogwarts is in the UK, thus the United States Constitution does not apply to any of its students. Therefore, 'Avada Kervada' does not fall under First Amendment freedom of speech rights.

114. I should not offer Voldemort any form of magical nor Muggle Rogaine.
-Also, calling him "Baldemort" is inappropriate.

115. Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.
-So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.

116. I will never ask Harry if his scar sense is tingling.

117. I cannot insist that a dead parrot is my familiar - even if he is nailed to his perch and pinin' for the fjords.

118. I cannot refer to Cornelius Fudge as the "Minister of Silly Walks".

119. I cannot lock the Slytherins and Gryffindors in a room together and take bets on which house will come out alive.

120. I am not allowed to train my frog to attack prefects and/or professors.

121. I am no allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.

122. I will not refer to the Accico charm as “The Force”

123. I will not sing the "Beverly Hillbillies" theme song when the Weasley family passes by.
-Or the "Hee-Haw" theme song.
-Or "Eight is Enough".

124. Voldemort, after being defeated, did not get served.

125. Running a pool on how big Snapes trouser snake is just on nose size alone... is funny.
-Him finding out? Not so much.

126. I will not tell the Ravenclaws that they're basically useless because Hogwart's smartest student is in another house.

127. I will never ever ask Professor Snape where he currently keeps his Rocky.
- Likewise for his corsets.

128. It is not appropriate trade first years between houses.

129. If I even look like I might sing "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerves" I will be Obliviated.
-Ditto goes for: Henry the VIII I am; This is a song that never ends; or One-sextillion mugs of butterbeer on the wall.
-Or any folksong that starts out "innocent enough".

130. An "Irish Mudslide" (Bailey's, Kahlua, ice cream, and chocolate syrup) will not get you extra credit in Potions.
-It will, however, keep prefects from ever bothering you again.
-Likewise, claiming that the distillery you were caught setting up was "a Potions assignment" is not advised.

131. Graboids are not acceptable subjects for a Care of Magical Creatures class.
-The same goes for Shriekers and Ass-Blasters.

132. Using the 'Petrificus Totalus' curse on Draco Malfoy and dumping him in the Gryffindor common room as a Christmas present to the House means you should watch your back until June.
-Especially if the Weasley twins were staying over break.
-If Lee Jordan was there too, you're going to need a bodyguard.

133. I will not stack Professor Trelawny's tarot deck so that the first five cards are The Devil, The Tower, The Hanged Man, Judgement and Death.
-I will not play poker or bridge with Professor Trelawny's tarot deck.
-I will not replace Professor Trelawny's tarot deck with the Thoth deck.
-Or a deck of pornographic playing cards.
-And especially not the Mage deck.

134. I am not to tell Muggleborn first-years that Bertie Bott's Every Flavour Beans taste better when one eats a whole handful simultaneously.

135. The Whomping Willow is not an Entwife.


136. Fleur Delacour is not Barbie, and should not be referred to as such.

137. I will not trick Professor Trelawney into calling Miss Cleo.
-even if I tape the conversation for Professor McGonagall.
-even if Professor McGonagall laughs.

138. "You might be a Pureblood if..." jokes will get me in trouble, especially in front of Slytherins.

139. I will not stalk the Boy Who Lived.
-I will not stalk Professor Snape.
- I may, however, stalk Neville Longbottom with impunity, as he will appreciate the attention.

140. Regardless of the beautiful irony, I will not hang a tempting piñata from the Whomping Willow.

141. I will not claim to "just be visiting for a crossover."
- In fact, I will not break the fourth wall, period.

142. Crabbe and Goyle should not be referred to as "Bulk and Skull". "Dumb and Dumber" is equally inappropriate.
-I should not refer to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle collectively as "Team Rocket" either.

143. I will not convince three of the school ghosts to annoy Professor Snape on Christmas Eve.

144. The song "Ding Dong, The Witch is Dead" is never, ever appropriate.
-Especially in reference to Professor Umbridge.

145. It is not necessary to yell “Burn!” every time Snape takes points from Gryffindor.

146. Telling Luna Lovegood that Buffy the Vampire Slayer is a documentary is an unkind thing to do.

147. I am not allowed to skywrite "Surrender Dorothy" during Quidditch games.

148. I will not get the stands to chant "Badger, badger, badger..." during a Slytherin-Hufflepuff quidditch match.

149. No matter how vast the uses and entertaining the results, I will not induldge in fun with duct tape.
-This goes double for superglue.
-Regardless of the fact that the Wizard Born students would make prime targets, as they wouldn't know what they are.

150. I am not to dance naked in the great hall.
-or on the grounds.
-Generally, dancing naked is wrong.

151. Despite the appearances of the employees and the vaults, Gringotts is not the entrance to the Labyrinth.
-While in the company of goblins, I must not demand that I be taken to Jareth.
-Nor shall I tell them "You remind me of the babe."

152. Professor Snape is not the Metatron.
-Nor is he a Muggle terrorist hiding from Bruce Willis.

153. I will refrain referring to Dobby as Gollum, and I should stop trying to get The One Ring from him.
-Also, Harry and Ron are not Frodo and Sam
-Fred and George are not Merry and Pippin
- Dumbledore is not Gandalf
-And Draco is not Legolas

154. I am not allowed to sing the "Badger" song whenever I pass a group of Hufflepuffs.
-Not even if there's a Slytherin nearby as well ("A snake! A snake! Oh, it's a snake!").

155. The Easter Bunny is not Jesus' Animagus form.

156. I will not wear a corset and fishnets under my Gryffindor house robes.
-I will not speculate as to whether Professor Snape wears them under his robes, either.
-Nor will I check to see for myself.

157. I will not insist that Voldemort's castle is actually a large house between two hills in a country I found in the wardrobe.

158. I will not tell first years that Moon Prism Power is a basic Transfiguration spell.
-Moon Tiara Magic is not a proper spell, either.

159. I will not invite Professor Snape to a midnight showing of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".
-The same goes double for Voldemort.
-Likewise, I will no longer be permitted to refer to Lucius Malfoy and Bellatrix Lestrange as Riff Raff and Magenta.
-Especially to their faces.

160. I will not tell Wormtail that his silver hand looks "groovy", nor will I encourage him to replace it with a Muggle chainsaw.

161. I will not spit in the Pensieve.

162. Hermione, Luna and Ginny are not my Angels.

163. I will not address Hagrid as "Groundskeeper Willie".

164. Draco Malfoy does not appreciate being called 'Ferret Boy'
-Or 'The Blond Boy Wonder'

165. Kicking Mrs. Norris is frowned upon.
-As is kicking Professor McGonagall in her cat form.
-I must stop doing this.

166. I will not tell first years that Hagrid will eat them if they get too close to his hut.
-I must not tell them that Fang will eat them either.

167. Breaking into song during Potions class is not acceptable.
-Especially if the song is 'I feel pretty, oh so pretty'.
-Or 'I'm too sexy'.

168. In Divination class: I will not say that I see Death...and that she is a hot goth chick.

169. I can have one rat familiar. Not two. Not a small army that I can train to tear things up.

170. Getting my little brother to record his latest thrashcore masterpiece on a Howler so I can listen to it is a good idea in theory, but not in concept.

171. I cannot magically send Livejournal updates through parchment.

172. Emoticons are not Runes.

173. I do not have a Pikachu Patronus, no matter how kickass that would be.

174. Getting "Slytherin" on every online sorting test you ever took does not mean that you will actually get into Slytherin.

175. I will not ask for a transfer if I get into a house I don't like.

176. I will not attempt to magically animate my marshmallow Peeps.

177. I will not attempt to create Happy Noodle Boy by animating a packet of ramen.

178. I will not get you, my pretty. And your little dog too!

179. I do not get any flying monkeys when I graduate.

180. I will not tell the Fat Lady to go on Weight Watchers.
- Or any other diet.

181. I will not make constant jokes about being "badgered" to any Hufflepuff.
-I will just not make constant jokes to House members about their animal (especially Slytherins and their 'snakes').

182. Every time I see a dementor, I will not go, "Ssssssssshire...Bagginsssss".
- or "The Shire/Frodo is That Way!"
- Every time I see Dobby I will not say something about 'master' or 'Precioussssss'.
- Every time I see Dumbledore, I will not say, "You will not pass!"

182. I will not do impersonations during dueling club sessions involving the following lines:

-“Hello, my name is Harry Potter. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
-“I am Harry James Potter, founder of Dumbledore's Army, heir to the founder of Gryffindor House, and student of the one true headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. Son to a murdered father. Godson to a murdered convict. And I will have my vengeance, in this life or the next.”
-“Help me, Harry-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.”

183. Despite rumors to the contrary, upon fulfilling the prophecy, Harry Potter does not plan to go to Disneyworld.

184. The boggart's first name is not Humphrey.

185. I will not scare the First Years with wild tales of an omniscient Author who controls our destinies.

186. My name is not Indigo Montoya. Albus Dumbledore did not kill my father, and he does not need to prepare to die.

187. I do not know what the word "inconcievable" means, and should stop using it so often.
-Bragging about being a Sicilian will not save me, either.

188. I did not direct a porno like this once.

189. Painting a bulls-eye on Harry Potter's back isn't funny.
-Nor is doing the same to the DADA teacher.

190. In her earlier life, Professor McGonagall did not have buns on either side of her head and was not Luke's sister.

191. I am not to say, under any circumstance (and especially during the June show down) "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

192. Teaching first Years to chorus in unison "The amazing bouncing ferret" whenever they hear the name Draco Malfoy is just wrong. Funny, but wrong.

193. Hagrid's strength, Harry's steel, and my wits are not enough to storm the gates of the ministry of Magic....
-unless we also have a holocaust cloak and a wheelbarrow.

194. My conversations with Hagrid are never to include the phrase "Hey Hagrid, wouldn't it be cool if you crossbred a ... with a ..."

195. I am not allowed to play poker with Tarot cards anymore, last time I did, I got a royal flush and the Dark Lord returned.

196. I will not claim that Professor Snape is "as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll," nor will I demand that he prove this claim false.

197. "Badgers? We don' need no steenkin' badgers!" is not an appropriate way to greet a student who has been Sorted into Hufflepuff.

198. In my third year, I am not to ask Headmaster Dumbledore if he's just used one of his alloted regenerations.

199. I will not rewrite the entire history of Alchemy by referring to the Philosopher's Stone as the "Sorceror's Stone."

200. I am not to sing the entire Multiplication Rock series during Arithmancy exams.

201. I am not allowed to give the Gryffindors Pixie Stix.

202. The band at the Yule Ball does not know how to play "Freebird," and shouting at them will not change that.
-The same applies to "Stairway to Heaven."

203. I will never again use the spell used to enchant bludgers on peas.
-Or tomatoes, plums, oranges, or any other food item.
-Or any other item that is not a Bludger.

204. Mr. Weasley's flying car is not to be taken apart piece by piece and rebuilt inside Snape's classroom.

205. Announcing "Remember: Save a broomstick! Ride a wizard!" is not an appropriate way to conclude a Quidditch match.

206. I will not make any joke about Lupin and “his time of the month”.

207. When Death Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout “To the Bat mobile Robin!”

208. I will not try to bribe Professor Lupin with chocolate
-Nor will I bribe him with Snausauges

209. Bribing Professor McGonagall with catnip will not get me out of detention.

210. And lastly, I will not use the time turner to go into the past and seduce my father, thereby ceasing to exist, which means I could not have gone into the past and seduced my father, which means I do exist, which means I can go back and . . . oh, nevermind.

"I've heard every possible joke about Oliver Wood's name" is not a challenge.

I will not give any girl a one half of a set of two way mirrors as a Christmas present, especially if I don't tell her what it is.

I will not go to any fundamentalist websites and argue that Voldemort is a direct contradiction of the concept of "intelligent design."

I will not create a pin-up calendar of the Slytherin girls and call it "Voldie's Angels".

I will not convince the house elves to unionize.

There are spoons. I will not destroy, transfigure, disappear or rename the cutlery so that there are no spoons.

The Head Girl and Head Boy do not perform sexual favors.

I will stop insisting that witchcraft is just a metaphor for lesbian sex.

I shall not suggest to Remus Lupin that "you and me, baby, ain't nothing but mammals" and that we should "do it like they do on the Discovery Channel."

Providing Engorgio charms to students that are... lacking... before the Winter Ball will make your Head of House most displeased.

The condition of Professor Snape's hair has nothing to do with the Muggle movie "There's Something About Mary."

It is exceptionally tasteless to tell Professor Lupin that "once you go Black, you never go back."

I should not ask Harry Potter if he wants to talk to my "snake".

I will not teach the veela the lyrics to "Oops, I Did It Again" even if they ask nicely.

Lucius Malfoy's cane is not a 'pimp cane' and I should stop asking if I can be his ho.

Stop asking Hannah Abbot if her milkshake brings boys to the yard.

I will not refer to house elves as "self-disciplining submissives".

If a classmate is jingling the change in his pockets, I will not laugh at him for "playing with his Knuts".

Despite the fact that it takes place in a dungeon, I may not safeword out of Potions class.

Singing "If I Were a Rich Man" around the Weasleys is rude.

I may not sell Umbridge's quill to emo students, especially if they're no good at poetry.

Changing my name to Mary-Sue does not guarantee me hook-up rights with anyone I please.

Kingsley Shacklebolt is allowed to hurt me if I refer to him as 'my nigga'.

Just because the black guy dies first in Muggle movies does not mean that will apply to Kingsley.

I deserved the extra punishment when I sang "Fat Bottomed Girls Make the Rocking World Go Round" to Madame Maxime.

"Beaters do it with Wood" is not funny, even if the only people who aren't laughing are the Weasley twins and Oliver.

Under no circumstances am I to attempt to create a Holy Hand Grenade.

I will not Polyjuice myself and a friend to look like Harry Potter and Ron Weasley, then give each other passionate kisses in public.

Forming a LGBT support group on campus is permissible. Claiming that it was founded in 1945 by Tom Riddle is not.

Replying every question that Professor Lupin asks with, "Are you [censored] Sirius?" is not funny, not even the first time.

Asking Tonks to change to Marilyn Monroe or Jenna Jameson before having sex is just plain cruel and evil.

This one comes from SHO:

I will not ask the dementors if they use a lot of tongue when they kiss.

=/ All the things you said not to do... I find hilarious, and I think I'm going
to start a checklist of things I want my PC to do before he dies. >.<

_________________

Likewise =p

_________________
You're all a bunch of floppy wanded Dementor buggerers

Ravenclaw's Unofficial HP Trivia Champion.

Paul Millington - Seventh Year Ravenclaw

But why not?
(Though maybe that should have "during curfew or Potions class" added to the end of it.)

Seriously though.... I'm killing myself laughing at this.
(And I love the Dr. Who and Highlander jokes.... I totally want a Dalek patronus....)
I could add some, but they'd be totally obsure and then I'd have to explain them.


Edit - *wonders about Dr. John Smith taking over the Muggle Studies class*
((That would be cool..... Yeah, I'm a geek. And David Tennant is pretty good looking - much better crush material than Kenneth Branagh))

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Bread crusts are directly responsible for all forms of evil. - Elan the bard

Favorites:


115. Asking Professor Snape if a house ever fell on his sister is wrong.
-So is asking him where he keeps his flying monkeys and if I could touch them.

If a classmate is jingling the change in his pockets, I will not laugh at him for "playing with his Knuts".

Despite the fact that it takes place in a dungeon, I may not safeword out of Potions class.

Singing "If I Were a Rich Man" around the Weasleys is rude.


Thanks for the laugh

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"We are not bound forever to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory."

ROFL. This almost had me on the floor laughing.

*bows* Thank you, thank you. Now... who wants pure-blood jokes?

Pure blood jokes ftw

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You're all a bunch of floppy wanded Dementor buggerers

Ravenclaw's Unofficial HP Trivia Champion.

Paul Millington - Seventh Year Ravenclaw

Because I'm ignorant. What's a Mentat and a were-thylacine?

A Mentat is from Dune.

A thylacine is more commonly known as a Tasmanian wolf.

Tasmanian Tiger*, actually ^_^ Bring on the pure-blood jokes!

Mentats in training. *Snickers*

Oh and how about "In The Year of the Wolf"-Motörhead?

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If you do something stupid, be prepared to be mocked about it.

I would think any songs involving wolves, or werewolves, would not be recommended singing around Professor Lupin.

Oh and I didn't include "I am not allowed to ask Pureblood students things like, 'If your parents got divorced, would they still be brother and sister?'" because I've got some friends who play pure-bloods. >.>

Also I think I forgot one:

"Attempting to create real tribbles is expressly forbidden. Especially if it is for extra credit in the Care of Magical Creatures."

Is that an Eddie Izzard joke I sense? Ahahaha!


""I want to be a beekeeper! I wanna keep bees! Don't wanna let them get away; I wanna keep them! They have too much freedom … I want bees on elastic, so when they get pollen, they come back here! "


"I-I like my women like I like my coffee, er, covered in bees!"