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Felien
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Post subject: Painful Love Posted: Sun Sep 02, 2007 1:28 am |
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Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:00 am Posts: 273 Location: Nik's closet.
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//Been meaning to get around to a Roleplay post...
She's no longer certain how long they had been up there.
Tears still streaming down her cheeks, she lays on the floor rolled into a ball. Though the physical pain brought her to tears, each emotional stabs open the wound wider.
She sobs pathetically, but follows his instructions carefully.
He seems a bit kinder now, touching her gently despite his recent anger, and violent actions.
Staring in amazement she watches as he removes his most recent scars, though he leaves his old brand. She's thankful he's left her that at least, certain that he's through with her completely now. She always wore that mark proudly, despite it's implications.
"Why...?"
Looking at him as she asks, she touches at the spot he most recently healed, wondering why he didn't leave her the marks at least, to remind her of what could be her last moments with him.
"Because I have something else to give you," he responds, and in a single, sweeping movement, his blade is drawn.
She shrinks back out of instinct, but deep down inside she trusts him. He wouldn't have removed the other scars if he planned on truly hurting her.
She glances at him, blinking in confusion as he kisses her cheek.
"Give me your arm."
Smiling childishly after the sudden kiss after all the pain he's caused her tonight, she holds out her right arm. Having calmed down considerably at his sudden display of affection she watches as he lays it flat against the ground.
He kisses at her arm, bringing the blade's tip to it. Stopping, he looks at her as if to ask her permission.
Guessing at his intentions, she tenses her left arm to brace herself, keeping the other as relaxed as possible given the circumstances.
Not knowing what he plans to do, she ponders a moment, but decides to trust him, and offers a quick nod.
As if on cue, he digs the knife into her skin, dragging it through slowly as he marks her.
A pained squeak escapes her through gritted teeth, but she watches intently as he digs the knife into her arm forming an 'x'
Her mind races through her beloved runes, identifying Gebo quickly as he slips the knife back to his belt and looks back at her face.
She eyes the mark lovingly as she recalls it's meaning. The rune symbolises a gift, or generosity in a relationship. It's talismanic meaning to strengthen said relationship.
All hope hasn't been lost. He hasn't shunned her completely. Instantly revitalized at his strange displays of affection, he glances back at him.
A wide smile spreads across her face as he questions her.
"What do you think?"
"Such a meaningful gift... I love it."
She leans forward to kiss him as she speaks.
He merely nods, but allows her to kiss him.
"I have to return to the girl I sent to wait for me."
He kisses her forehead before rising.
"But do not mistake me. My anger hasn't faded."
Last edited by Felien on Tue Oct 09, 2007 5:47 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Felien
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Post subject: Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2007 7:00 am |
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Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:00 am Posts: 273 Location: Nik's closet.
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//Kind of a long one. But rather interesting and thought provoking as to how my character thinks and feels, I guess. Mainly dialogue, as there wasn't a lot of moving about. Just sitting in the common room.
"Why would three girls I barely know tell me about you and Priggo… which Priggo has admitted to some of it… holding hands… and such at hogsmead."
Felien sighs, having expected something of the sort, but responds calmly.
"I’m sorry for being his friend, then. And he was drunk."
"You don’t need to lie to me."
"Lie…?" Fel scoffs. "I wouldn’t bother. You know what? Even if I wanted to, nothing I could do or say would win me preference over you. And that’s the honest truth. So what does it matter?"
Walking away, Felien slumps into a chair.
"You needn’t worry so much, it just shows your lack of trust for him."
Nina sighs.
"Do I look worried now?"
"It’s obviously bothered you plenty."
"It does bother me. He has seen you more than me in the time I’ve been here looking for him. Though I really don’t care that he hangs out with you anymore… as long as he doesn’t break that promise he made to me long ago."
Nina pauses, and Felien almost expects another witty retort.
"Now, I’m gonna go put this letter up in his room." She continues simply, before stalking off.
Felien pulls her legs up into the chair, wrapping her arms around them and looking rather sullen. Moments pass, and Nina returns, placing her arms over the top of the chair in a folded position.
Felien is too busy in though to notice, wondering what Priggo will do to her when Nina tells him she said that, already regretting every word.
"You know what I would give to be the pure-blood, Slytherin… he and his family wishes I could be?"
Felien jumps, a bit startled, but replies quickly.
"He obviously doesn’t care about that. At least not enough to stop him from caring about you."
"He already told me he does… Our last little spat he threw how much I was ruining his life being a mudblood Hufflepuff was to marry him. So it does matter to him, though he doesn’t say it."
"And yet he’s still willing. And has often defended you." She replies, perhaps a bit bitter.
"I’m not discrediting him… stop getting defensive."
"You’ve already basically said you’ve worried of me ‘stealing him away’ at least once in the past." Fel is starting to sound annoyed, but can't seem to stop talking now that she's started this rant she's been keeping hidden away for so long.
"Indeed. You’re always around him… the pick of the litter… the cream of the crop perfect Slytherin… you are prettier than me, and you don’t seem to disappoint him as much as me. You are a threat… or at least were back then. Though all I am saying now is that I am aware of your relationship with him."
Nina pauses a moment, but Fel attempts to remain quiet, already having said far more than she should have.
"Everyday… Since… I forget what it was… but Priggo was with you somewhere. Everyone kept telling me in their own way he was cheating on me. Everyone… Destroying my faith temporarily."
Finally unable to hold it, Felien responds.
"It’s a complicated relationship. But in the end, I’m just the confidante, so to speak. Just someone to rant to when he’s angry. Someone to talk to… when you’re not around"
"It’s why I left for that long month… to get away from all of this. I love him more than he realizes. I’ve thrown away all my friends. Yesterday was the first time I actually spoke to Seril in two months I think."
Fel shakes her head, wondering if 'throwing away her friends' is all Nina has done... After all, she's done the same several times over, and has nothing to show for it.
"You know how he is… he needs constant attention. And he realizes you can’t be there –all- the time. And he still prefers you over anyone. I’m just filler. A friend. That’s all."
Felien sighs audibly as she becomes increasingly aware of this fact as she speaks, and is obviously distraught by it. Tears begin to form, but she fights valiantly to hold them back.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*Skips a bit of convo, for length.*
Nina sighs, but attempts to change the subject.
"Felien.. I’m sorry about you, though."
Looking to her in confusion, Felien responds calmly.
"What do you mean?"
Smiling weakly as she talks, Nina continues.
"Well, you do love Priggo if I am correct. It shows. I wish I could help in some way with that, but I love Priggo a lot more than anyone probably thinks. I’m not about to let him go."
After what seems like a long pause, Felien speaks again
"I never asked you to. And I do care about him. And I also know how much he loves you, regardless of how much he shows it sometimes. And I care more about his happiness than my own. And I care about your happiness, as well." Managing a small chuckles, she adds an afterthought.
"Sisters, after all…"
Nina merely nods.
"Thank you… sister."
Another long pause, and Nina starts again, smirking.
"Well, once I am done fixing my own relationship with him… I’ll work on ours. And then.. Maybe then we can find someone to keep you occupied. Harley, maybe."
Fel stares in shock and horror, unable to say anything.
"I’m kidding."
"You’d better be. Isn’t he a muggleborn, anyw--" Stopping suddenly, she quickly mumbles an apology. "Sorry…"
"It’s okay. Don’t be so closed minded, though. We aren’t so bad."
"Mm. I know. It’s just… how I was raised. I’d likely be disowned if I brought home anything else."
Pausing for a moment, she stares blankly at the floor. "No… I’m sure of it. Our heritage goes back for generations. I could never bear to…"
"… to what? “Ruin the bloodline?"
"I’m infinitely proud of my background. And I want my children to be able to say the same. Perhaps I’m old fashioned, but regardless…"
"Don’t sacrifice anything before the future is upon you. I’m sure Priggo never planned on meeting a muggleborn. Look at him now. He’s happy. Most of the time."
She shakes her head, not really caring what she has to say, as she's set in her ways.
"It’s not about my own happiness. It’s never been."
"It should be. At least a bit. I don’t know. I’ve always lived for what felt right and not just for what was said to be right."
"Again, I was raised differently. It’s what feels right, to me."
Nina nods. "I understand"
Fel sighs, assuming Nina still doesn't understand, and continuing anyway.
"If I care for someone so much… well, then I’m more interested in their happiness. Not mine."
"Well, make sure you take care of yourself. You could get hurt that way."
Confirming she still doesn't understand, she shakes her head, attempting to explain again.
"That’s not important. As long as the people I care about most are happy, so am I. Regardless of the situation surrounding it."
"Really? So.. You sacrifice to keep another one happy…?"
"If need be."
Nina stops for a moment as if questioning her logic.
"And if that sacrifice… if they lose you… how would you keep them happy?"
"What do you mean?"
"How to word this…? Hmm.. alright, let’s see. Does Priggo know this?"
Felien looks at her questioningly.
"Know what, exactly?"
"I’m assuming he is one of the people that you would do anything for to keep happy. Does he know that?"
Felien pauses, wondering herself whether he knows or not.
"I don’t know if he realizes it or not."
"Alright. Then how do you think he would feel when he found out that this whole time you have been sacrificing your own happiness for him?"
"Grateful…?"
"You think…? I don’t think I would I’d feel horrible. To have someone acting as an expendable tool to keep me happy. Like, I think he wants you to be happy too."
Wondering vaguely if they're even talking of the same person, she stops to think a moment, but feels somewhat certain of her answer.
"It takes a lot, to sacrifice one’s own happiness for that of someone else’s. Surely he would know that, and realize how much h… means…" She stops suddenly, not wanting to tear up again.
"And.. I want you to be happy as well. I mean that."
"I admire your Selflessness here. Alright you want met o be happy too? You know what will make me really happy? You take care of yourself. Don’t concern yourself with me too much. Sacrificing your own happiness for mine would make me upset. You do your own thing."
"It’s not -just- you, though." Fel sighs, realizing her logic isn't getting through to Nina "You don’t understand…"
"Well, the other people… are your choice.. but I am no one to be sacrificing for. At least… I don’t want you to sacrifice your whole life for everyone else forever. Once and a while is good… but not forever."
"I can’t change the way I am. Besides, I can’t honestly believe you’d want me to pursue what I want. You know perfectly well what that would mean, and you’ve worried about that needlessly enough already."
"I didn’t say that. I am saying happiness in general. It is your choice and your choice alone to decide what you want to do. Though it is a difficult situation. I know Priggo loves me, and you pursuing it wouldn’t do anything. Not to put you down or anything, but… I am saying for the future… Think for yourself."
Felien shakes her head solemnly.
"I know it would be pointless.. I’ve said that myself already. That’s just how I am. I’ll think on it. But… I can’t promise you anything. I’m sorry."
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Felien
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Post subject: Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 6:58 am |
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Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:00 am Posts: 273 Location: Nik's closet.
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It had been a long day for her, and she was more than ready to go to sleep. Regardless, she followed her usual routine as she reached the common room.
Only stopping to look around and make sure no one was around, she quickly made her way to the Boy's Dormitory without hesitation. Climbing the ladder slowly and deliberately, she pushes up the trap door to take a peek before clambering out into the hall and heading toward that familiar room.
As usual, she takes a moment to knock. Pausing a moment to listen for a response, she knocks again just in case. Another moment passes and she finally unlocks the door, stepping in quietly and locking the door behind her.
With a wave of her wand she lights one of the candles near the back of the room, basking the bed in an eerie light.
Sighing at the empty bed she makes her way to the bookshelf, pulling out a small book near the base and leafing through it lazily before placing it back. She hadn't truly expected a note there, but had started checking it out of habit regardless.
Checking the time and noting there's still twenty minutes till curfew, she sits on the bed to wait, in case he was simply running late. Minutes pass, and with a tired yawn she kicks off her shoes, setting them carefully at the edge of the bed. She throws her bag on top of them before collapsing onto the bedding with a wince as the scars on her back scrape across the fabric of her dress.
Not bothering to move the blankets, she lies lightly on top of them as she strains to recall the days events in an effort to keep herself awake.
Nina had approached her earlier that day, ranting and raving about the how badly Fel had hurt her. She had even accused her of hurting Priggo.
It seems she had gotten word of what had happened with Harley, and how he had spied on them in the bathroom.
Nina disregarded anything she had to say, of course. She kept ranting about how Priggo had told her she didn't love him, and that he couldn't trust her. Whining about what went wrong, though obviously not wanting an answer. Just kept coming back to the recent events.
"You shouldn't have let him....", she had said with a low growl.
"Why? So I could dissapoint him -too-?" Fel had responded angrily. She had already set aside her own feelings long enough in an attempt to defend Nina. Plenty of times had she calmed Priggo's rage against her. Why couldn't she understand that?
Nina had responded strangely at that, though.
"I thought you would be able to realise what is wrong and right. He loves me... You let him break his promise.... You let him hurt himself."
No... that didn't make sense. And she had told her as such. Priggo was through with Nina. He had said so to her, as well. He couldn't 'cheat' on Nina, if he wasn't even -with- her anymore. Why couldn't she understand that?
Again, she had responded with a growl; "He is with me... I love him. I will not let you take him away with your deceptive ways."
"Then take him back," Fel had responded bitterly.
Nina had pulled out the engagment ring from her pocket and simply stated 'I will. Don't ever hurt him again."
With a sigh as she recalled the events, she rolled to the side of the bed, lazily reaching out her hand toward her bag. "Accio Plush." Shortly, the familiar panther shaped plush flew through the air into her arms. Clutching it tightly she tried to reassure herself. Priggo seemed happier, now. He hadn't even yelled at her in a while. Though, that usually had seemed that he was just venting his frustration on her, after one of Nina's accusations or arguments.
Something still worried her, though. Nina had said that Priggo wasn't happy. That he couldn't be happy. She said that Drado seen him recently upset, in pain, even crying. Priggo's mood had seemed to be improving, though. It didn't make sense.
No, that must have been days ago. Maybe after his feud with Drado. Priggo had mentioned talking with him...
He's fine now. And she would never intentionally hurt him... She has done so much for him already, even without his knowing.
Just earlier today, maybe a couple hours ago, she had come across Mariana in the girls common room, locked in her room, the door even warded for protection.
She had approached out of curiosity, but stayed to help. Apparently someone had 'warned' her against Priggo, saying he was simply trying to suck her in. She seemed truly worried, but had wanted to hear what Felien had to say.
Felien had spent an hour or so talking to her calmly, and sweetly. She had offered logic and reasoning for his actions. In the end, Fel was confident she had managed to undo her worries.
Priggo must be happier now, with her. Pulling up her right sleeve to peer at her scar, she traces a finger across it slowly, the plush still held in the crook of her arm. What could Nina possibly know? She obviously doesn't understand him, or she'd be able to show him how much she says she cares. At least he knows my love... and accepts it.
Her tired mind circles around the thought, reassuring herself of such, as she drifts off to sleep, still waiting. Even in slumber, she clutches tightly at the plush as if it were him. Her uncovered arm bearing the mark of his love proudly.
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Felien
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Post subject: Posted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 6:36 am |
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Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:00 am Posts: 273 Location: Nik's closet.
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"Fel? A leash?!"
Mariana asked questioningly, obviously sounding worried.
"It's not so bad..."
Felien replied with a bit of a sigh, having expected a heap of questions next time she left the room.
"It's... Well, it's a leash, Felien..."
She repeated herself as she paced around the dueling chamber. Suddenly she stopped and turned to ask, "Are you his pet?"
Felien opened her mouth as if to answer, but Mariana put her hands up as if to tell her to wait a moment. After a moment's thought, Mariana continued.
"I mean, I understand the collar. I mean, it's even kind of cute... but a leash? Fel, you're a person... and you know I don't hate Priggo, but..."
Mariana sighed, and simply looked away before adding on a few final words.
"I'm just worried for you, Felien."
"I'm still me..." Felien responded quietly, still searching for the words to properly explain her feelings.
"Mariana, he makes me unreasonably happy. I'd just like to be able to return that feeling."
Tugging at her collar as she does so, she continues before Mariana can respond.
"It's just symbolism. The leash to me, is just my way of showing him I won't leave him."
Felien raises her hand to show off a new ring on it, to emphasize her point.
"Just like a ring symbolizes being bound to someone, but the leash also shows I'll never be far away, either."
Not knowing what else to say, she merely sighs again.
"I don't know how else to explain it."
Mariana's expression changed completely at the sight of the ring. Smiling widely, she nearly attacks Fel with a large hug. "Oh, Fel!"
Felien manages a smile of her own, somewhat returning the unexpected hug. "Do you understand, now?"
"When did he ask you to marry him?"
Mariana asks, a huge grin still on her face.
"Shortly after the first time he had me wear the leash in public."
Mariana hugged her randomly again, seeming somewhat giddy now.
"Oh, I'm happy for you! I just hope Priggo can be happy too."
An owl arrives, and Mariana takes the note, scanning it over quickly. As she pulls out a paper of her own to respond, she continues talking.
"Well, Fel. I'm glad I was able to talk to you. Is it okay if I tell others, or are you keeping it a secret for now?"
"Why would I want to hide it?" Fel responded, nearly grinning. "I obviously don't mind showing my feelings for him in public."
"Well, I'm glad you're happy, Fel. I just hope Priggo realizes how lucky he is."
Fel looked at her with a bit of confusing, not truly understanding the statement.
"Lucky? How so? I'm the lucky one, I think."
"You both are." She stated simply, as she headed for the door.
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Felien
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Post subject: Posted: Sat Nov 10, 2007 9:48 pm |
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Joined: Tue Jun 19, 2007 12:00 am Posts: 273 Location: Nik's closet.
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Felien mumbled something cutely as she rolled over in her sleep. Her words were cut off abruptly as she reached the limit of her leash. Woken with a start, she sat up quickly, once again testing the limits of the leash attached to her collar, causing her to collapse back onto the bed.
Regaining her senses, she rememberd where she was. She was still in Priggo's room, and hadn't left it in days. Glancing around, she noticed Priggo wasn't there again. He had been going out a bit more often lately, it seemed, and would usually leave her tied to the bed, as if afraid she might run off. Those days she would miss her classes, but she always managed to catch up. She somehow managed to think up of new excuses for missing them.
But it didn't matter to her whether she was left tied up or not, she didn't want to go anywhere, anyhow. Food was brought to her when needed, often by Saturn, his house elf. This not only kept her healthy and ready for his return, but reminded her that wherever he was, he had stopped to think about her well being.
Looking at the time, she realized she hadn't been asleep for long. Yet, her sudden awakening kept her unable to drift back into sleep for the time being. She settled with just lying in bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, recounting the events of her last exit.
It had been a week or more since she had gone out. The days were all a blur now, she wasn't sure exactly what day it was anymore. All that mattered was that she had been late to return, and had been punished severly for it. Her bare back was still covered in welts, though they had healed enough to where she hardly felt them anymore. She wouldn't be late again.
When she had left the room, she had been bombarded with questions from people she had at one point considered friends. Some seemed to understand, or at least accept her recent actions. Others were downright angered that she would do such a thing. The last of her encounters was why she had returned to his room late. He had told her to be back by curfew, but they just wouldn't let her go.
Felien reached for her neck, running her fingers lightly across the collar.
What was it people couldn't understand? Was a band of ownership around her neck any different than a ring around her finger?
Tugging cautiously at the leash, she continued to wonder why people were so upset at such a display. Why couldn't they accept her decision?
Some of them did, or at least said they did. Mariana seemed fairly accepting of the situation. Lexy didn't like it, but also didn't try to convince her otherwise.
But the others... they would constantly degrade her, referring to her as a dog, or worse.
Only he had the right to judge her. Only he could tell her what she could or couldn't do. They had no right to speak against her decision to be with him. To be his.
What was worse, were the ones who told her she couldn't possibly be happy like that. What did they know? She was happier than she'd ever been. She felt like she belonged.
Sure, he sometimes showed it in strange ways, but she was certain that deep down, he loved her. Even if he didn't, she loved him enough to make up for it, and would do anything to prove it to him.
It no longer mattered to her what the others thought. She had made her decision, and no one could convince her otherwise. She was happiest with him. Being owned by him.
Her thoughts were cut off abruptly as she heard the door start to open. She sat up again, being careful to adjust to the leash's limits this time.
Settling on to her knees she watched as Priggo walked into the room.
She greeted him with a smile, eager to find out what he had in store for her tonight.
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