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Haunted thoughts
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Author:  Shmee [ Fri Sep 19, 2008 11:47 am ]
Post subject:  Haunted thoughts
// I finally got bored enough to start a RP. *Shifty eyes*\\

The sands of Egypt were lightening slowly until they reached a deep orange-red as the sun crested the horizon. It was silent but for the quiet whisper of the ever-changing sand as the wind continued to shift it into new formations. As still as her surroundings, Rhea watched the light paint the scene stretched out below her. This was her favorite thing about Egypt; the sunrise. Even as the sun continued to rise and the light spread across the Valley of the Kings below her and eventually up to where she sat in the desert above, Rhea didn’t move. She closed her eyes, letting the warmth of the sun seep into her.

It will never be enough you know. No matter how long you sit out here, you’re always going to be cold. A voice hissed in her mind. She ignored it, determined not to give her own mind reason to torment her further. She knew her silence would be of no use though. It never was. It’s your own fault. You know it is. And what did you get out of it? Absolutely nothing. He doesn’t care about you any more than he does anyone else. You were just another toy to him. “Shut up.” Rhea said quietly, her eyes still closed as she sat in the sand. Angry that I’m right? A quiet laugh echoed through her head. It’s not –my- fault he’s a heartless bastard. Of course he can’t take all the blame, but you’re just a whore, you can’t really be held responsible for what you do. “I said –shut up-” Rhea said a little louder this time, her hands balling into fists in the sand. And you know the funniest part? The voice continued relentlessly. You don’t even care that you hurt Lucian. No, you tell yourself that’s what you’re so upset about, but you’re wrong. All that’s really got you like this is that he cast you aside. He –used- you. And you’d do it again if you had the chance. You know you wou- “Shut up!” Rhea yelled, shattering the quiet serenity of the desert surrounding her and opening her eyes. Silence quickly enveloped her once again.

Rhea looked around, blinking, then drew her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms tightly around her legs and resting her head on top of her knees. “I’m going insane. . .” She stated softly to herself, closing her eyes tightly in a futile attempt to hold back tears once again; the only answer a distant cackle no one else could ever hear.
Author:  Shmee [ Sat Sep 20, 2008 10:13 am ]
Post subject: 
“RHEA!” The scream filled her ears, blocking out even the sound of the river momentarily. “RHE-!” It cut off and Rhea stared in horror as the small head of brown hair was pulled back under the water once again. Already, he was becoming difficult for her to keep in sight even when he resurfaced. She knew the waterfall was coming up, but he wouldn’t go over it. He couldn’t. Not Justin, he’d stop himself before he went over the falls. It would all be fine in just a moment; in a matter of seconds she was sure she was going to see Justin pulling himself out of the water. She waited. The pounding of her heart mixed with the sound of the distant waterfall. As she desperately scanned the water, a scream of pure terror sounded from the cliff before being cut off abruptly. Silence. Even the birds seemed to have stopped chirping. Rhea couldn’t hear anything but the blood rushing through her head in maddeningly-loud pulses. She stared in utter shock, waiting for Justin to come back. He couldn’t have gone over the edge. . .

“Justin!” Rhea’s scream erupted suddenly as sound came rushing back and she took off running along the river to the edge. The sound of the falls and the sight of the churning water so far below her almost overwhelmed her. “JUSTIN!” She screamed at the top of her lungs, looking down the edge before following the course of the river so far below to the small town full of doll-sized houses. He wasn’t there. Rhea’s mind froze and she stood on the edge of the cliff, staring down into the water below. She had no clue how long she stood there before a distant sound slowly brought her to awareness. She recognized that sound . . . it was her name.

“Justin!?” Rhea looked up abruptly, whipping her head around to look behind her. Her father came running out of the trees along the river and stopped when he saw her. “Rhea! There you are!” He ran to her as fast as he could and fell to his knees beside her, pulling her small form into his arms and holding her tightly. “Rhea, we were so worried about you. Your mom and I didn’t know where you where. I thought we told you not to go by the river? Rhea, you know it’s dangerous up here. . .” Her father continued to ramble as Rhea numbly wrapped her arms around him, hugging him back.

“I’m sorry daddy. . . I remember. . . I’m not supposed to come here without you. . . I’m sorry. . .” She mumbled, her voice sounding foreign to herself even. “Rhea. . . Rhea, where’s Justin?” Her dad asked as he looked around slowly. “Did you leave him alone again? Rhea, you can’t do that, he’s too little. . .” His voice slowly faded as he looked into his daughter’s empty eyes. He spoke softly, his voice breaking a little, “Rhea. . . where’s your brother?” Slowly, Rhea looked away from him and again her eyes fell on the waterfall. “He fell in . . . he’ll come out soon daddy. . . don’t worry. You just have to wait for him to pull himself back out. . .”

“Oh god. . .” Her father whispered, his arms sliding away from Rhea before he quickly stood, rushing to the very edge of the cliff and cupping his hands around his mouth. “Justin!” He bellowed as loudly as he could over the crashing of the river and his voice echoed across the valley.
Rhea watched her father, her expression as blank and her voice monotone. “I’m sorry daddy. . .” She spoke softly.

Rhea’s eyes snapped open, the sound of waves crashing meeting her ears and for a moment being mistaken as the sound of the river. She sat up abruptly, drenched in an icy sweat and breathing hard. She looked around, blinking, and slowly relaxed a little bit. You fool. She was getting accustomed to the other presence inside her head. Still feeling guilty about such a stupid memory. It just proves how twisted you really are. Even as a nine year old you were hurting the people around you. It let out a cackle. My god you really are a messed up little whore. How do you even live with yourself? “Please, just leave me alone.” Rhea whispered, lifting her hands from the grass and covering her ears, resting her head on her knees and closing her eyes tightly. “I already know all of this. Please, just . . . just leave me be.” She pleaded quietly. Another soft laugh echoed through her head. You don’t deserve him. You don’t even deserve to die. That’s why you’re still here. You aren’t worthy of that release. The whispers in her head slowly faded, leaving her alone with nothing but the sound of the ocean and her little brother’s screams echoing through her head.
Author:  Shmee [ Mon Sep 22, 2008 5:15 pm ]
Post subject: 
“I can make it up to him. I can earn his trust back.” Earn his trust back? You shattered that trust. There is no earning it back. It doesn’t matter what he says, he will never trust you again . . . and if he does, he’s a fool. You can’t be trusted. This silent argument had been going on for almost the entire class. Concepts of advanced transfiguration just weren’t enough to keep Rhea’s attention for long. “And why can’t I? Yeah, I’ve screwed up . . . a lot. Why does that mean I should have any less of a chance at a life than anyone else?” Rhea glared at the wall she had been staring at for the past fifteen minutes.

“Miss Maltrix . . .” The distant echo of her name wasn’t nearly enough to drag Rhea out of her thoughts.

You’ve made more than a few ‘screw ups’ as you put it. You’ve destroyed people’s lives, in both the conventional and the literal sense. They all trusted you and you let each and every one of them down. Trusting you was what killed them; your little brother and Drith, you know. You’re the reason they’re both dead. And what about Chase? He trusted you with everything and you crushed him too. You destroyed him; left him for someone else then shattered what trust you had with that one too. You’re the reason he drinks so much now. Isn’t it ironic . . . you left him exactly where you found him. I guess that’s only fair though. You know, you and Andrew really are perfect for each other. You both have a marvelous taste for hurting the people around you. Both of you are heartless when it comes down to it. The only difference with him, is that he doesn’t try to hide it.

“I didn’t leave Chase for Lucian. I did what was better for both of us. If I had stayed with him, both Chase and I would have ended up miserable. What was I supposed to do; lie to him for the rest of my life? I never expected anything to happen with Lucian, or Andrew. It’s not like it was something I planned.”

“Miss Maltrix.” The voice was more abrupt, but still didn’t penetrate through to Rhea’s consciousness.

That’s always your excuse. You didn’t intend for it to happen. You didn’t intend to kill your brother, or Drith, or even Ray. You didn’t intend to destroy Chase’s life, or hurt Lucian. You never think about these things. You knew how badly you were hurting Chase every step of the way. You knew it and you didn’t care. You did it anyway even though you were fully aware it would leave him with scars that he’d never be able to heal.

“Just leave me alone, alright? I’m sick of you pulling up everything I ever did wrong and throwing it all in my face. I have enough crap to deal with without you reminding me of every mistake I’ve ever ma-” Rhea’s thoughts cut off as she felt the sharp pain of an elbow in her side.

“Rhea!” The boy beside her hissed in her ear and she looked to him quickly. “What?” She snapped at him. He nodded toward the front of the room and Rhea’s head turned to face where he was motioning, only to be met by Professor McGonagall’s sour expression. “Miss Maltrix I am aware that you don’t enjoy my class, however I don’t see it as too much to ask that you at least do a good job of pretending you are paying attention.”

“Oh . . . sorry professor . . .” Rhea stated, blinking as she remembered she was indeed in the middle of a transfiguration class. “Of course.” McGonagall mumbled. “Ten points from Hufflepuff for your lapse in focus. Now, anyway . . .” She turned her attention away from Rhea, resuming the lesson as Rhea looked back down to her book with a sigh.
Author:  Shmee [ Mon Sep 29, 2008 5:26 pm ]
Post subject: 
The music pounded in her ears, the sheer volume enough to drown out her thoughts. Rhea lifted her small glass to her lips, sipping quietly at the bitter drink. She never could stand to drink very much. Considering her size, she guessed it was a good thing she didn’t like the taste. It didn’t take very much alcohol to get to her system. With a sigh, she set the half-empty glass down on the table in front of her, looking around the packed dance floor. Slowly, she let her eyes slip closed and relaxed, focusing on the music. The lyrics didn’t make any difference to her, what mattered was that she could drown out her thoughts here. She could sit here for hours and let the music and lights pummel her senses into nothingness.

She opened her eyes as the distinctly different sound of someone flopping into the chair beside her hit her ears. Rhea simply raised a glare to the panting man now blocking her view of the door. Normally, they backed off when they realized she had no wish to dance, or to talk, or to really associate with them in any way. “A pretty little lady like yourself shouldn’t be sittin’ here all by your lonesome. How ‘bout a dance girlie?” The young man leaned forward on his elbows on the table and flashed a smile at her. He wasn’t bad looking. No, not at all. He probably wasn’t accustomed to women turning him down. Rhea sighed, shaking her head. “No, thank you. I’m pretty much good staying here and watching.” His smile didn't waver. Either he was very stupid, or very ignorant, as Rhea was certain her expression clearly spoke “Go away or I’ll eat your soul”. Of course, she thought, how threatening can a 4’9 twig really be?

“Aw c’mon. Just one dance? It won’t hurt you. From the looks of it, it’d be good for you to get up and have some fun.” The insistent voice broke into her thoughts and Rhea shook her head, glancing to her watch. Three o’ four. She should probably go try to get some sleep anyway. After all, she did have classes tomorrow. Rhea stood and flashed a quick, apologetic smile to the man. “I’m sorry, but I really should be going anyway. Maybe next time.” The man watched her for a moment before a grin spread across his face and he nodded once. “Right. Maybe next time.”

Rhea turned and easily slipped through the crowd, snaking her way between people and vanishing almost entirely unnoticed. Sometimes being small had its advantages. When she was finally outside and down the road far enough that she could no longer hear the music from the club, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. It was almost completely silent. She wondered how long it would last this time. Opening her eyes, she resumed walking, glancing back briefly in the direction of the Green Door. That direction was empty, also. Slowly, she made her way to the end of the street, watching her elongated shadow rotate halfway around her again and again as she passed under each streetlight. She stopped at the intersection, directly under the streetlight on the corner and turned her attention left; towards the church yard.

It had been weeks since she had last been there, and she couldn’t even fully remember what happened the last time. She remembered going to the small graveyard, she remember sitting to apologize to Drith for everything . . . and then it all kind of fuzzed out until Lucian left. Rhea shook her head. Left . . . when had he gotten there to begin with? Once again, she reminded herself never to drink more than a half a glass of any type of alcohol again. That note she had found though . . . “You are being watched” she mouthed the words slowly as she continued to watch the church. None of it made any sense. And how had Lucian known even though she never told him? She never had asked him that. She didn’t want to remember it, nonetheless risk talking about it.

Can’t handle your own memories? You put them there yourself, and you don’t want to deal with them? The taunting was soft and distant and she ignored it as she tried to piece everything together for the millionth time. It was possible her memories had been tampered with . . . but by who? Lucian? Or whoever had been watching her? She struggled to hold onto her thoughts as a familiar pain twisted inside her. You can’t even bring yourself to talk to him. Can’t bring yourself to tell him that you can’t handle being around him, that you can’t trust yourself enough to be near him anymore. It’s sa- Her thoughts cut off as the distinct sound of an approaching group of people echoed down the empty street. Rhea looked up in to see a small group of four talking animatedly as they made their way in the direction of the Green Door. Without much thought, Rhea turned and walked out from under the light, vanishing into the shadows and then apparating with a loud “pop”.
Author:  Shmee [ Wed Oct 08, 2008 1:43 pm ]
Post subject: 
They’re probably dead you know. If not both, then at least one of them. And likely at the hand of the other. Of course, it’s your fault if they are, you would have been the one to drive them to it. Hm . . . what will you do if you find out you’ve killed two more of the people close to you? That makes, what, at least five? Rhea’s eyes continued to follow the lines of the potions book laying on the table in front of her. ”There’s no proof that they’re not perfectly fine and both decided to just take a break. It makes sense that Lucian wanted some time away. It’s not like I can blame him for needing space to think. And so what if he didn’t tell me that he was going? It’s probably me he needed space from anyway.” The library was almost entirely silent besides the flutter of the books flying through the room and other students studying. Maybe so, but for him and Andrew to both vanish at the same time? Really, you can’t fool yourself into thinking that’s coincidence. Letting out a frustrated sigh, Rhea scribbled down a couple lines of notes from her book onto the parchment beside her. ”Andrew wanders off all the time. That’s normal for him. Why couldn’t it be coincidence? I’m not going to jump to conclusions and assume the worst just because it’s possible.”

Rhea jumped as the sound of several books hitting the floor broke the silence. She looked behind her in time to see an obviously upset Madam Pince running over to a presumed first year standing in the middle of several books and papers scattered across the floor. Shaking her head, she gathered her things from the table and stood, walking out of the no-longer-peaceful room.

Just keep telling yourself that. If you convince yourself everything’s fine, the monsters will go away, right? Just close your eyes and pretend nothing’s gone wrong. Rhea’s glare at the silent mocking made a younger student quickly move away from the door to the Entrance Hall as she made her way towards it. She ignored it and continued down the stairs. ”There’s no proof anything has happened. Both of them are fine, and if they’re not . . . I’ll deal with that when I have to. I’m not going to worry about this with no foundation for the worrying. If neither of them shows up soon, then I’ll start blaming myself for killing them, alright? Then you can happily bask in my self-hatred. Until then, shut up and leave me the hell alone.”

Finishing that thought, Rhea looked up from the floor as she rounded the corner to the courtyard, in time to see another girl coming from the opposite direction. With a startled yelp, she collided with the girl and fell back onto her butt, her inkwell, quill, papers and books scattering everywhere, along with the other girl’s. Sighing, she kneeled to pick her things up. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention where I was walking . . .” The girl’s apologetic response didn’t fully register in Rhea’s mind as she shrank back into her thoughts; trying to ignore the whisper in the back of her mind and not think ”What if I’m right . . .?”.
Author:  Shmee [ Thu Oct 16, 2008 5:36 pm ]
Post subject: 
The sound of quiet footfalls was amplified on the hard tile of the empty hallway. A quick glance around showed she had gotten lucky, nobody was around. Rhea breathed a soft sigh of relief. The last thing she needed was a detention for breaking curfew. She readjusted the books she carried under her arm and cautiously made her way into the edge of the Entrance Hall. Glancing around briefly, she still didn’t see any sign of people, but remained as quiet as possible nonetheless. Ducking behind a tapestry hanging on the wall, she quickly vanished from sight.

She slipped through the small tunnel that was her shortcut to her common room. Of course basically everyone else knew of its existence also, but it was safer than walking through the middle of the Entrance Hall. At the other end, Rhea paused, holding completely still behind the second tapestry and listening. She silently counted sixty seconds in her head, and when all remained silent, she stepped out from behind the tapestry and into the corridor. In the dim light, she could tell this part of the school was just as empty as the other hallways she had passed through. Of all the days to fall asleep in the garden and miss curfew, she had chosen a good one. Not that she had chosen to fall asleep, of course.

Rhea listened to her footsteps and the soft swish of the bottoms of her pants brushing against each other as she crossed the room to the door to her common room. Balancing the four large books under her arm against her hip, she freed one of her hands, opening the door and stepping into the common room quickly, closing the door softly behind her. She could hear the low voices of two people further inside the room, likely by the fireplace. Two a.m. with classes tomorrow, and people were still up. Of course, Rhea couldn’t really comment. Was she not awake when she should be in bed due to an early class, also?

She shrugged to herself and opened the door to the girl’s dormitory, being careful not to drop her books and scatter all of her notes everywhere. She had been studying all day and didn’t like the idea of reorganizing all of those papers once again. Yawning widely, Rhea made her way silently through the room of sleeping Hufflepuff girls. Her bed was at the far end of the room and the divider between the beds blocked it entirely from view until she was almost right beside it.

Rounding the divider, her soft footsteps fell silent as she stopped, standing at the corner of her bed. Her books tumbled to the floor, hitting the carpet with four muffled “thunks” as papers fluttered everywhere. Those that didn’t awake to the sound of books falling to the floor all sat bolt upright in bed at the ensuing scream. In the commotion that followed, girls getting out of bed and rushing over to Rhea, she couldn’t tear her eyes from the gruesome scene set before her. It was the worst of her many nightmares, now layed out before her waking eyes. Setting on the blood-soaked bedspread was the head of Andrew Amaner, staring at the wall with glazed over eyes, his hair matted with a dark sticky substance. All Rhea could do was stare in horror, not able to look away or even to continue screaming.

As girls dressed in their sleep wear clustered around her, Rhea’s view of her bed was obscured. She shoved her way between people, feeling like she was about to throw up; ignoring the urgent questions of what was going on, and what was wrong, repeated over and over by a hundred different voices. Couldn’t they see? Wasn’t it obvious what was wrong? Was the decapitated head on her bed not reason enough for such a reaction? None of their questions mattered right now. What mattered is that she was living in a nightmare.

Rhea fell through the crowd of people, landing on her hands and knees outside the circle of girls. Shakily, she forced herself to stand. Finally able to see her bed again, her breath caught in her throat. It was gone. Everything. Her bed was set just as she had made it that morning when she got up. One of her books was lying open on the floor beside it where it must have fallen off the mattress and the corner of her blanket by the pillow was turned over. Rhea felt someone grab her shoulders and turn her around. Looking up into the face of one of her fellow Hufflepuffs, Rhea’s vision began to swim just before she fell to the floor, unconscious.
Author:  Shmee [ Fri Oct 17, 2008 2:02 pm ]
Post subject: 
Completely insane. Yup, it’s as simple as that, you finally lost it m’dear. It let out a giggle. Honestly, his head in your bed? Well aren’t you a little gruesome. Seeing dead people walking the hallways was proof enough that you’ve lost it, but now the whole school knows. You didn’t have much of a reputation left to destroy anymore anyway. So at least there’s a bright side! A gleeful laugh echoed through her head. Obviously he was having fun torturing her today. Maybe it had something to do with being confined in the hospital wing that brought the worst out of him.

“You seem extremely happy at my apparently disintegrating sanity.” Rhea thought bitterly. “It’s not completely my fault you know. This wouldn’t have been a problem at all if it weren’t for you.” The too-familiar voice made a “tsk tsk” sound. Now you know that’s not true. All I am is a part of you. Why would I be happy to watch your mind crumble? After all, it’s where I reside. I wouldn’t even exist with out it. Nope, not at all . . . It sounded more contemplative than worried and then simply seemed to shrug off the concept. No, you just want someone to blame. Really though, there is no one but yourself. You brought about all of the events that have slowly been eating away at you. You can’t pin this on me.”

Rhea sighed, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. Two days in this tiny hell. Two days and all Madam Pomfrey had been able to tell her was that physically, she was perfectly fine. Why couldn’t she leave then? Rhea had asked a million times. Because if she had been so tired as to be seeing things (Rhea had refused to say exactly what horror her mind had brought before her), then she obviously needed rest, and it was Madam Pomfrey’s “duty” to make sure she got it. Rhea hated it here. Absolutely despised the place. Everything from the sound of students in the other beds asleep to the looks people would give her as they walked past her section if the curtain wasn’t completely drawn closed. She could only imagine how exaggerated the story of why she was here had gotten. She closed her eyes for a moment, opening them again after a couple of seconds. It didn’t matter anyway. Why should she care what people were thinking? All she had to do was remind herself that in the morning, she was free. Pomfrey couldn’t keep her here any longer without anything physical being wrong, and as far as anyone could tell now, Rhea was perfectly fine. Pomfrey had told her she could leave in the morning. And if she didn’t? No . . . no, she had to. Rhea argued with herself silently, not even really keeping track of her thoughts.

Even in the hospital wing, she hadn’t slept at all. Not since they had brought her here. Madam Pomfrey had given her something to make her sleep but Rhea had flat out refused to drink it. She didn’t want to sleep. Every time she closed her eyes she could feel her nightmares closing in. She had so many things tugging at the back of her mind. So many thoughts and questions she had been forced to lock away, but they were seeping through. She couldn’t keep gaining things to not think about. As she layed there staring at the ceiling, they all poured through her mind for about the millionth time in the last two days.

Was she really losing her mind? She could still think, couldn’t she? She wasn’t babbling nonsense and warning everyone about the “end”. No, she could still think perfectly fine. The hallucinations could be passed off to stress and not sleeping enough. And the voice? Hearing things didn’t classify people as crazy. Besides, she knew it wasn’t real . . . didn’t she? She shook her head slightly and shoved the thought away, a new one quickly tumbling into its place. Justin wasn’t her fault. She didn’t push him or make him cross the water. How could she have known it could have ended like that? She was only nine! How could she fairly blame herself for that? Though it didn’t really matter if it made sense for her to. She did anyway. And Drith and Ray? That was Ray’s fault . . . Ray’s fault and that stupid cat’s. No . . . no, he wasn’t a cat. Her thoughts started to become muddled and suddenly Rhea felt herself falling. She woke up again with a start, her hands slamming down onto the sides of the mattress, her fingers gripping the edges of the bed. Slowly, she relaxed again, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. Just a couple more hours. That’s all. Just survive that long and you can be out of here. She kept thinking to herself, trying desperately to stay awake.
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