"I will concede that using only fireball and other fire related magic is probably a bad idea when we want the target alive"

"just because someone happens to use cone of cold or some other chilling spell, that does not automatically give me permission to use the fighter's flaming sword on the paladin's warhorse like Han Solo did with Luke's Tantan."

"just because my character hears voices in his head does not mean that I do, and I should stop inferring such as it is creeping out the other players"

"no naming anything in any language that the DM doesn't speak, even if it's a made up language."

"not allowed to offend the half/ork fighter/wizard powergamer... ever"

"this goes doubly so when anyone brings any surge or mountain dew to the game"

"even in the margins, smileys have no reason to be on my stat sheet"

"my character cannot speak 1337 (leet) nor was he/she named in such language"

"there is no such thing as a dire human so I should stop requesting one for my paladin's holy mount"

"my barbarian's shield does not have a smiley on it's front, or it's back for that matter."

"despite it's relatively fast tempo, the Gummie Bears theme song is not appropriate battle music and my bard does NOT know how to play it"

"stealthily killing the guards in front of the cave, good idea. making a huge battle cry of victory after doing so, bad idea."

"my IQ and my orc barbarian's IQ are not related"

"any character who'se name has more then 89 letters in it is vetoed, doubly so if half of those are spaces"

"no matter how high my charisma score, I can't just run up to the enemy and bluff them into believing that their building/home/tent/cave/clothes is/are on fire just so I can get them to abandon their home/plans so I can get through the quest faster"

"no, I cannot steal XP from other players, no matter how high my Dexterity score is"

"I will remember that, contrary to the cartoons, when an intelligent person out-talks a dumb one, the dumb one doesn't go into a stupor, they usually just get mad."

"I will especially remember this when in orc territory and the fighter and barbarian are home sick."

"I will stop pretending to be sherlock holmes just so I can say elemental my dear watson all the time"

"I will never do anything I once saw on a webcomic... ever!"

"I will stop audibly spelling out all of my words instead of just saying them."

"There is no such thing as a miniature giant space hamster.""Plot important characters who are about to reveal vital information for the campaign don't give XP if killed."

"If I am unclear on what something is, I will ask the DM instead of attacking a gazebo."

"I do not gain XP for every victim of a vampire hoarde I accidentally unleash upon the world. Nor do I gain XP for every animal in a forest if I burn it down."

"Roleplaying XP is not a myth, but it must be good roleplaying."

"I will not use my character's Chaotic alignment as a legitimate excuse for being a jerk."

"I will not try to develop my latent psychic ability to affect the outcome of random die rolls while the DM is giving a monolouge."

"No matter what I think, my improvised weapon is neither a brick-flail or rat-flail."

"No matter how drained I am, I do not get to perform fire attacks by lighting a match on the barbarian's stubble."

"the lightning elemental, the quickling, and the halfling rogue are all restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure"

"the fire elemental, the dragon, and the pyromancer, are all restricted to non-alcoholic drinks for the rest of the adventure"

"when we spend more money at the pub then we get from the dragon's hoard, there's a problem"

"just because a character is very plot important and the DM is constantly pulling strings to keep him alive, doesn't give me the right to use him as a human shield."

"lightsaber chucks... BAD IDEA."

"I am to stop naming and modeling my characters from red vs blue, especially Caboose"

"my character does not speak binary"

"I am to reserve victory dances for only the creatures that I actually get XP for"

"this goes double if they were NPC's critical to the plot."

"if I put the magic mouth on the spot again, it's going to eat me"

"a bushy afro does not have the same effect as wearing a leather helmet, end of story."

"taking levels in diplomat, spy, noble, ruler, or monarch does NOT automatically make my character team leader"

"if I ever come up with a strategy that involves sneaking in the dark, breaking away ahead of the team, and stuffing a bunch of halucinogenic caltrops down the necromancer's pants, it's vetoed, period."

"the misunderstood kobold and I do not need to have a moment after every battle, once a day will suffice."

"I will not yell out woo hoo, did ya see that guys did you see that?! every time I roll a natural 20 on my stealth check"

"cryptic halitosis does not a new touch attack create"

"no, the constructs do not speak like Hal, nor do they know who Dave is"

"when I get a character that has his strength, constitution and wisdom as a dump stat, he better be the lawless halfling, not the orc barbarian"

"my halfling is not allowed to get an obsession with every magic ring he is given, a single obsession with the first one will do just fine."

"nor is he allowed to get an obsession with every magic ring everybody else was given, that is just crazy... precious"

"I will, on my honor, never forge enough signitures to take control of over half the city, ever again."

"if I ever get the local constabulary in my pocket again, my character dies."

"it is not a good thing to have a DEX score of 24 and a WIS score of 3, being invisible in the dark is almost stupid useless if I can't see anything either."

"there is a reason, a very good reason, why my character has the lowest hit points."

"if I ever offer to be the human shield just so I can dodge all of the projectiles again, they will all hit me, period."

"on second thought, I am restricted to decaf for the rest of the adventure too"

"dazed and confused are two different things, and I will remember that next time I try using my INT score to confuse the berzerking barbarian"

"the dictionary is no longer my friend, and if I disagree, the DM will throw the book at me"

"next time the gnome goes missing, my kobold character better not be covered in raw meat, bones, and barbeque sause at the time."

"a pitfall trap does not count as being needlessly complicated, and I should therefore stop trying to get it vetoed from the campaign."

"I will never use my own knowledge of modern technology to, bit by bit, advance the game's technology up from a mideval magical level, to a level high enough to build a porche'... ever again!"

"I will never abuse the D&D 3.5 spell lists ever again."

"the sorcerer, wizard, bard, ranger, cleric, paladin, and druid classes are forever forbidden to me"

"I will not attempt the iocaine powder test on foes. It's too well-known by now, and iocaine doesn't come cheap."

"I am never again allowed to use Polymorph Any Object to turn half of a summoned water elemental into thermite."

"Potion bottles filled with skunk musk do NOT make a suitable weapon when you will be fighting in melee range"

"I will make sure to properly mark all of my potions, especially the dangerously explosive ones and the potent healing ones."

"I will especially make sure that none of my unmarked potions get mixed up with the pub's bottles."

"no matter how much I want to be the leader, I will never give my horse stimulent injections while we travel."

"I will never argue with the DM about whether the encounters are truely random or not."

"I will always assume that the wizard is specifically keeping a disentigrate spell just in case I mis-behave"

"I will never loudly scream the name of the kingdom and kick someone whenever I'm faced with a giant open pit"

Fire is not always the solution to a problem.

I may not Model my PC after any character of 8 Bit Theater. Especially Black mage.

When on a diplomatic mission for a kingdom- Killing everything is sight is not a plan for world peace.

I am no longer allowed to play the wizard. One homicidal knife rampage was more than enough.

I am no longer allowed to make Molotov Cocktails, even if I have the means.

Stabbing in the eye does not earn a d20 roll. Neither does stabbing in the groin.

Fighterdoken or any of it's relatives does not exist!

"No character of mine will have Alzheimers as a character trait. Accidentally casting Colour Spray on the Dragon is funny the first time. After the fifth time, the resurrections become too costly."

"Stop asking every woman you meet if she wants to see your Rod of Lordly Might."

"Stop asking every man if he wants to see your Portable Hole."

"Stop making suggestive innuendos regarding magic items."

"Stop asking the DM if they want to see your 'magic item' when they tell you to stop making suggestive innuendos regarding magic items."

"Even if it is technically true, do not answer any question by stating 'A Wizard did it'."

"You shall not name your Psion 'Mentok the Mind-Taker', and the Auditory component for your power is not 'OooooweeeeooooWEEEOOOooooo...'."

"Your response to Succubi should be something akin to 'Foul fiends!', 'How can we destroy them?', or 'Let's banish the monster!'. 'How much time can I get with her for the elf?' is not acceptable, nor is it conducive to keeping the party wizard on your good side."

Even though the monk can and will catch any arrows you shoot at her, she is not an acceptable substitute for a target dummy.

The winged party member will not be nicknamed "Air Faerun."

"even though, with a mere thought can my wizard character destroy entire moons, he can still only cast seven fireball spells per day"

"there is no guild of lackies and they are not a dime a dozen, therefore it is wrong to kill them the moment they roll less then a natural twenty"

"the whole free ice cream, no poison thing only works once"

"if the orc can't read my forgery skill won't help me, period"

"no, I cannot select myself as the preferred race that my ranger likes fighting against"

"I can only backstab someone with the cannon by properly loading and firing the cannon, not by sharpening it's end and ramming it into them, that's just silly"

"not alowed put a price on the head of other members of the party just so the party has somone else they can attack, no matter how boring the campaign is"

"I can assume that the more drinking challenges I issue, the more other races and people will spontaneously develope an immunity to alcohol"

My monk is not a Trappist. More importantly, he is not Jorge de Burgos from The Name of the Rose and will not kill people just for laughing.

The winged party member will not be nicknamed "Air Faerun."

Drado's new nickname is now officially "Air Hogwarts".

Fire is not always the solution to a problem.

"I will always assume that the wizard is specifically keeping a disentigrate spell just in case I mis-behave"

Read "dungeon master", and "hellball spell"

I'm always the stupid loser who should just leave the mod and die.