(OOC: this is going to be the trial run of the Slytherin Siren Seven articles. The members of the group are an unknown group of Slytherin damsels. One hint for those players trying to track them down: there are not seven members of them. Their years will remain hidden from the gathering masses. There may even be a “Ask A Siren” series of posts on the way in the same section. Though they are Slytherin, that does not mean they will not have comments about some of their own. One of the articles on the way may be about one or two of the better known Slytherin students. It’s just something that will come up sooner or later. They might not even target people at all in some of their articles. Interested players who want to post AS one of the Slytherin Siren Seven, please feel free to PM me or talk with me in-server.)


Spells Cast: The Opening Salvo Reaches The Light At The End Of The Tunnel


Posters would have started showing up a little time after the second Drama Queen X article came out. Apparently, someone else had something to say about a few choice students. However, they decided to take a far different tactic. On the top left hand corner of the poster, a crest featuring seven different animals was printed. The animals were a boa constrictor, a Western dragon, a feathered serpent, a tyrannosaurus rex, an eagle, a phoenix, and a black swan. Each of them were in a ring made of a different material. Dominating the main body of the poster was the article itself. Given the writing style of the article, it was clear this was NOT the same person who came out with “Drama Queen X.” What was more of interest, however, was the vein the article was written…

“To the students of Hogwarts,

“We would like to present to you a different view. Not the same and lame garbage you have been reading, but something with a little more –bite- to it. We are the women of the Slytherin Siren Seven, and we have a few words about a few people. To be honest, we have –more- than a few words for them. As one of our favourite conversation pieces has been stolen from us by Drama Queen X, we are going to steal him back. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, Slytherin and those who wish they were Slytherin. We are talking about the Hufflepuff Hardcase, Ares Richard Keeferson.

“For those of you who don’t know who he is, you must be blind, deaf, and dumb. Not dumb as in stupid, but dumb as in you can’t speak. We here in Slytherin have known about this young man ever since he was still shorter than people. He left the school for a while to `take care of some personal issues’ at home. Seems some of those issues came back with him with a vengeance if you ask this cobra. He seems to have a problem staying in one place if nothing else. For one student, he’s been spotted in Birmingham, Cardiff, London’s Diagon Alley, and even as far as Toronto. Okay, so he’s from there, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t mention it. After all, we have inquiring minds to take care of.

“Ares – or Keeferson as he insists on being called – has been many things to many people. What is he here to us at the Slytherin Siren Seven? One word, ladies: profitable. That’s right, we said it. Does this mean Slytherin pimps out the tall, dark, and brooding Hufflepuff? (Keeferson, not Wyldeheart.) No, but we really should be. Considering that we have that wonderful arrangement with him. For all of your plebians that don’t know, we here at Slytherin have Keeferson officially, unofficially, and figuratively on retainer. The method behind getting a sociopath on a binding contract is a difficult one, but we here at Slytherin are used to overcoming minor challenges.

“Something else to be said about Keeferson: for a Hufflepuff, he can carry a grudge like worst Slytherin. He can also use his brain like the best of us. (Okay, close to the best of us.) His skills are almost as impressive as his temper. When we figure out what he is doing inside that abandoned potions dungeons, rest assured that Slytherin will be the first to benefit from his labours. Just because he works like a dog, doesn’t mean he should be keeping the spoils to himself. Though more than a few Slytherin girls have thought about putting a collar around that neck of his…

"Now that I think of it, a collar would be a good idea. His attention span varies like a dog, he growls at people like a dog, and I am pretty certain there's evidence of him eating kibble somewhere. He'd make a great pet for the smart Slytherin. Just give him a belly rub once in a while and sic him on an annoying Ravenclaw Seventh Year or two. He'll be just fine. At least he's not afraid of taking a bath, like some Huffle-heathens we've seen.

“In all, the singular thing that would make Keeferson better would be a dramatic twist of fate: him being born to pureblood parents. You can’t choose your family, so we don’t hold that against him... too much. He’s proven himself quite the mystery. Every time we think we have him figured out, something new happens with him. In the end, he could become a great wizard… as long as there’s a Slytherin or three to point the way for him. He is far more than the cursing brick with legs we first saw back in his first year.

“He just needs to ditch all those –girls- he knows if he’s not tutoring them. Like seriously, Keeferson. There’s only so far we can defend you if you keep on dealing with some of those… people. And we use the term loosely in the case of a few of them.”

Near the bottom of the poster, there are two “artist renditions” of Keeferson. The first one is him in a tuxedo (black and hunter green), walking through the flames of what looks to be a battlefield. He is carrying a wand in his right hand and a saxophone case in his left. There are two other people behind him, wearing sunglasses. The two people are in an inverted version of Keeferson’s own tuxedo. They are Druppi Tallow and Allanon Majere. The caption of the picture reads: “Three The Hard Way.” The picture has moving flames with the three figures striding over the broken and destroyed landscape. In the background, the moon bears the crest of Slytherin upon it.

The second picture is far more risqué. It has Keeferson rising from a frothing pool, bare-chested. His red eyes are clearly shown, and the look on his face is filled with a passion nobody could honestly say they’ve ever seen Keeferson have for anyone, ever. The scene is of a mansion, with the sun beating down over Keeferson’s visage. There are two bracelets on his wrists, and a torc around his neck. One of the bracelets is clearly jade, while the other one is a stained copper. The torc is bronze, and is an ouroboros. Holding his wand in a side pouch, Keeferson’s hands are reaching towards the viewer. The caption here? “This Is A Pool Boy.”

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

(OOC: This is a second trial run piece. This one is meant to be a little different. And as can be expected, this is written by a completely different character. The voices for the different members of the Slytherin Siren Seven are meant to change depending on the individual writing. Some of the articles may in fact just be pictures with captions. IF the player could draw, there would be actual images to go along with these.)


Consumer Service Notices


This would go up in a few other areas. The style is completely different than the first poster by the Slytherin Siren Seven. The crest on this one is changed: several serpents winding around three jade necklaces. Each of the necklaces on the crest twinkles with its own light. The poster is much smaller than the first one, as it is only a list. But what the list is about, however, may catch the attention of more than a few...

"How to catch a Gryffindor guy in twelve easy steps!

"1^ Make sure you are smarter than the boy you are chasing. In the case of most Gryffindors, that shouldn't be a problem.

"2^ Make sure you are more talented than the boy you are hunting, but also be sure you are able to hide that talent. They might be brave, but they are still boys. And they'll sulk if they find out you are better than they are with magic.

"3^ Whatever you do, don't bring up their former girlfriends. They'll get all weepy-eyed or insanely jealous. Typical of a Gryffindor, but definitely not manly.

"4^ On the same vein, don't mention how much better Slytherins kiss? Seriously, they'll get suspicious for no good reason and you'll have to Obliviate them.

"5^ If they have money, let them take you shopping. If they don't have money... Wait, why would date a Gryffindor that was broke? (Okay, maybe one or two good reasons exist. We can't post those up here, though.)

"6^ Keep them on a short leash. We don't mean literally, but some of these boys could definitely do with some obedience training. (Yes, that means -you,- Eric Goodrich!)

"7^ Don't introduce them to your family or friends until you know they are completely yours. You don't want to give your parents the wrong idea, especially if they are already trying to marry you off to get better social standing. You don't want to give your friends the wrong idea either, as they might know someone a little better.

"8^ Never be afraid to use the word `No.' Not that they don't understand it, but Gryffindors need something to struggle against or they don't feel fulfilled. It's true, we've seen it.

"9^ While figuring out which Gryffindor boy you want, be sure not to tell anyone. First, you never want to give away your secrets. Secondly, you don't want to let the boy know you are on his trail. This makes them smug and insufferable, and you'll have to waste precious time crushing their egos.

"10^ Never, ever crush their egos to the point there is nothing left. Trying to recreate a boy from the ground up is a hassle. After all, we aren't their mothers or their sisters.

"11^ When in doubt, don't feel bad if you have to bespell them into submission. Boys occasionally need a reminder who is in charge.

"12^ When all else fails... get yourself a Slytherin. Let's face it, we may love a challenge, but there's such a thing as way too much of one."

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

(OOC: Yes, I have been granted permission to use someone else’s character as the topic of this post. This would not be the same as writing their actions or anything. They are merely the topic of discussion. Still, I did ask well ahead of time before writing this post. Please note, most of the strong language will be censored by me or changed to different phrasing. After all, they are putting this out in public. Curse words on a poster are a sure-fire way to have your poster (and yourself) hunted down by the teaching staff.)


Wands Broken: One Errant Spell Brings Down The Defense


A new poster has gone up from the Slytherin Siren Seven. This one is done up with less graphic design as the first one, but more artistic value than the second. This poster, unlike the first two, is only found in the hallways closest to the four Commons. The background of this poster is white, done up with the all-encompassing motif of an albino python. The python’s scales are an ivory-cream colour for the most part. Every so often, a random scale the colour of jade or emerald is shown. The eyes of the python are looking out at the reader from the center of the poster itself, as if they were looking down upon the coiled serpent. At random intervals, the python will blink and shift its position slightly.

“It seems we here at the Slytherin Siren Seven have been a little too kind to the male populace of Hogwarts. How do we know this? Not enough of them are walking around, covering their heads in shame and terror. I mean, after the battering we gave to that one pseudo-Slytherin Ares Richard Keeferson we believed the endemic of male pride within our fair walls had been solved. Apparently this is not the case. Therefore we have decided to take a closer look at one of the other boys who dares strut like a peacock through the halls: Eric Goodrich.

“Yes, that’s right: we –are- willing to hunt down a Gryffindor and take him down. They insist on calling themselves the `brightest lights’ our school has to offer. That they are somehow worthy of the title of `Champions of Justice.’ What an utter crock of broken eggshells. If it wasn’t for Hufflepuff students, Gryffindors would never know what the words `hard work’ meant. If it wasn’t for Ravenclaw students, they wouldn’t even know how to do their own homework. We here at Slytherin have not ever bared our throats to these crimson-clad cretins, and we are not about to start now. Pride comes before a fall, and Eric Goodrich has been cruising for a bruising for a good long while now.

“What can we say about Eric Goodrich? If he doesn’t get himself killed, he’ll probably be an Auror. How do we know this? His entire genetic family line is full of them. I mean, can’t they do anything else than be watchdogs and gofers? And what is worse is that he is looking –forward- to being the exact same thing like the rest of his family. If that isn’t a case of lack of originality, I do not know what is. The Goodrich family have probably been Aurors as long as there have been Aurors. Maybe it’s a way he can guarantee himself gainful employment?

“Next up on the chopping block: the company he keeps. I don’t know about you, but I would have to question anyone who has friends like he does. That is, if you can call them `friends.’ He has peers, subordinates, and possibly informants, but friends? Does he even know what the word means? After seven long years of watching the guy who puts the –griffin- in Gryffindor, I would have to say… no. Most of his time, he seems to be patrolling the halls like he was a prefect. Is he? Hardly. When he talks to people, it seems to be more interrogation and investigation than anything else. People have even seen him push some of his own classmates into walls in order to get information out of them. (Okay, he did look sort of manly when he did that, but that’s another poster.)

“We could talk about his love life, but he gets less action than Rita Skeeter. Trust us, as we have sources that checked into that for us. Ever since he crashed and burned with Emily-Jade Hodgkins, Eric hasn’t been on the dating circuit at all. Unless he has managed to find someone so far under the divination pool they are tunneling under the earth, that is. Nobody that we know has tried to get with him, and for good reason. It’s not his looks, ladies, but his personality that’s pretty ugly. Anyone that could take pointers from Rupert “Axebanger” Brookstanton and Phineas Nigellus Black about how to sweep a girl off their feet without using martial arts is kind of pathetic.

“Now, now, boys and girls. Don’t look at Eric too harshly. I mean, it’s not his fault he wasn’t Slytherin material. Okay, maybe it –is- his fault. He thinks he can save the world through superior security measures. What does that tell you about him? What makes Eric truly tragic… is that he has a body worth sketching… or drawing on… or painting… or… (Okay, I’ll stop now. I don’t need to get drool all over my beautiful script here.) I mean, if you just removed Eric’s brain, he would make the perfect sculpture. For a guy with a one track mind, he has certainly taken care of that body of his.

“In the end, Eric Goodrich gets a fail for being a person, and gets a pass at being a fine looking piece of grade-AAA Gryffindor steak. He might be able to get himself a girl with shoulders like his, but do we really want to see more like him? Ever?”

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

(OOC: thought I would do another one. this is a generic piece, not focusing on individual characters. I need to talk with a few players before doing up another one.)


Malarky Maligned: When Everything Crashes Upwards Into The Heavens


There is another Slytherin Siren Seven poster. This one can only be found on the fourth and sixth floors of Hogwarts. There is no reason as to what made those two floors so important which can be seen on the poster itself. The bottom left hand corner has three rings interwoven by a green silken thread. The rings are made from platinum, ebony (carved), and a common garden snake... except for the patterns on the snake are the crests from past Slytherin families whom have gone into prominent positions within the British Ministry of Magic.

The top right hand corner of the poster has what looks like a Hierocosphinx resting with a collar made of carved jade and palladium. The symbol around the Hiercosphinx' throat is the classic symbol of Slytherin. The great beast itself appears to be slumbering.

"And you thought we were going to leave you alone, didn't you. No, we are not going anywhere. Due to a few complaints, we had to voluntarily mute ourselves for a while. Do not fret, however, as our fangs are still razor sharp, and you all don't look punctured enough.

"We are going to address the nature of `muggle-born' students and our general viewpoints on them. Please note, we are not here to make you feel better about yourselves, or hold your hands through your first reading. If you are of weak minds, weak stomachs, or are just plain weak... don't say we didn't warn you.

"Muggle-born students, in short, take away from time which would be better spent on pure-blooded wizards and witches. That is all there is to it. We here at the Slytherin Siren Seven do not hate you. Hate, after all, is something you should reserve for something worth the time crushing underneath your heel and savouring the moment.

"No, when the Wizarding Marriage Laws do come (and they will), the muggle-borns will finally have an important role to play: breeding stock. After all, all those ugly little Squibs out there who have ruined the names of their families by not having true sorcery need love to. Find an ugly Squib and a good looking muggle-born, and you should be able to produce proper magical offspring. Sure, they'll still be inferior, but at least they'll have two magical (to some degree) parents.

"I do not understand why people insist Slytherins as a whole want muggle-borns dead. I mean, really now. That would make the noble House of Slytherin a group of mass murderers at best, or thuggish and base hunters of a pathetic subspecies at worst. Now it is not as if some muggle-borns are worth their weight in copper. Any Slytherin can give you the name of five muggle-borns who have proven themselves useful in some way. I, for one, could name ten. In the end, however, they are not in my inner circle or my outer one. Why? Because they don't deserve it.

"So for all of you bleeding heart witches out there, stop crying. And those wannabe heroes of the school (and we keep tabs on all of you), stop kicking up dust and making a fuss. We do not need muggle-borns dead. We just need them to learn their place. This has been a Slytherin Siren Seven Service Announcement."

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

(OOC: this is with the player's permission. other future listings from the Slytherin Siren Seven will be coming soon. maybe today. maybe tomorrow. I am not certain yet. it will depend on how creative I feel. more than likely the recent "rebranding" of students will show up as a topic... as well as what some people feel about Redwake.)


Incandescent Images: How One Girl Created A Counter-Revolution


The poster for the Slytherin Siren Seven was set up in an oval. This one had the image of seven different legendary witches posted in a faded underlay. The fade was done with a silver motif. The border of the poster itself was done in various shades of brown, like a natural wood. In fact, if touched the poster would feel like canvas, and the borders would have the same texture of cedar. Obviously, the person who created this poster was a Charms or Potions prodigy in the same.

The main body of the poster concerned the Slytherin student known as Tera Jallebin. One could easily tell this, as her face was posted dead center. It was actually quite the flattering image... in fact, a little -too- flattering. The outfit she had on was classy and classical, but daring enough to inflict nosebleeds in some of the younger students. The dipping back of the dress alone would be something most students that knew or knew -of- Tera would never suspect her of owning. The fact the bottom of the picture clearly read "author's rendition" did not change matters much.

"And now, let us dedicate some time to mourn the passing of a great and powerful Slytherin witch: Tera Jallebin. Before you all start freaking out, she's not really dead. However, she has perished in the eyes of any real Slytherin woman because she has commited such horrific transgressions against the propriety and nobility of Slytherin's proper name.

"Let's start off with the worse of crimes: spending any amount of time with known miscreant and malcontents from other Houses weaker than yourself... and not lording over them. She's been seen with people from Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, and even Hufflepuff. (Okay, arguably the Hufflepuff is Danger Dog Keeferson, but we've covered him already.) She isn't using them for money. She isn't using them for prestige (because Allanon Majere isn't all that impressive.) And she couldn't be using them for their brains, as her grades are high enough as they are. So, what is she keeping them around for? She is only degrading her image by allowing them to even call her by her first name.

"Second thing on the list: her clothes. She has the body of a proper Slytherin seductress, therefore she should dress like it. Always in pants and just about anything to give her that stupid little 'tough girl' image. She needs to give that up. If she ever wants to find herself a proper pure-blooded husband, she should dress the part. Running around like she was some sort of boy given a girl's body. Does she have any idea how many First Years would -kill- to have a figure like hers? Heck, how many SEVENTH YEARS? It's shameful, people.

"Another item on the agenda: she doesn't -act- like a real Slytherin. I mean, always going off adventuring like some sort of madwoman. Spending time in the Hufflepuff Commons during one of the werewolf alerts. (Okay, Hufflepuff Commons is closer to the Entrance Halls than anywhere else, and the floo system was cut off to our Commons.) Getting into arguments with strange people. Working alongside members of other Houses and not directing their actions. (Yes, this has to be mentioned twice because she's more powerful than most of them put together.) All these things and then some just make her dead in my eyes. Especially not controlling the actions of her should-be minions.

"Oh yes, something I almost forgot. Tera has this incessant fixation with cheesecake. She's always eating it. She never shares with her Housemates (which is just proper form), and she doesn't get fat, either. She's eaten more cheesecake than anyone I have ever known... and doesn't gain an ounce. We hate her for that. We really and truly do.

"So, Tera Jallebin, this is your epitaph:

You were one of us
and now you are gone
this poem itself
shall carry on
and in your name
will we drink a toast
to a Slytherin lost
leaving not even a ghost
shall we remember you well
every time we look
at a petrified Fouth Year
or an incinerated book
could you have been better
had you listened to us
but you had to be stupid
so your name goes under the Night Bus"

There's at least one other image of Tera Jallebin featured, once again in something rather racy and yet proper. The caption reads "should be wearing this instead of your potato sacks!"

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

(OOC: This post will be based on another character... eventually. I need to confirm with the player beforehand. There may be two players featured in the same post. The character which is involved this time is the sweet-hearted Caitlyn Rosewood. Along with her, another student was struck down by the viper pen: Matthew Pace.)


This is just a page, actually. A page of pictures. A very LARGE page of pictures, portraits, sketches, and wizarding photographs. Drawn images, printed ones, and even painted. The whole thing is a collage of different drawings of the two students, Caitlyn Rosewood and Matthew Pace. Whomever spent the time doing this one really did their homework.

If you consider being a stalker homework, that is.

The images are of Caitlyn Rosewood hard at work, at play, and especially a few rather detailed images of her in the Infirmary or when she passed out within the Great Hall. All of the images are "signed" by the Slytherin Siren Seven. Given the fact that Caitlyn IS eleven years old, the pictures which are mocked up are of relatively decent taste. Of course, "taste" is a term which is also subjective. At least one of pictures is of Caitlyn scrubbing floors in the Slytherin common rooms with a bright smile on her face. Another image is Caitlyn spritely skipping behind a random Seventh Year Slytherin gent... carrying his books. And quite possibly the worst image is Caitlyn in Slytherin-like robes, holding her wand to the temples of a cowering Gryffindor Fourth Year boy while in a towering fury.

The caption for that last image is a simple one: "Caitlyn's Fondest Dream Comes True."

As for Matthew Pace, they are not lenient upon him as he's a boy. Far from it, with some of the images being of him in Potions class facing a rather violent explosion or being coated with random liquids. There is one particularly inspired surrealist painting of Matthew casting a spell... at himself. Whomever spent the time working on these was either an excellent forger or has superior artistry skills. In either situation, the talent is far too important to be ignored. One of the larger images (on whose borders at least five other pictures stand), is of Matthew with a sign around his neck reading "a Knut for a trick" while kneeling outside a mansion known to be owned by a former Slytherin alumnus. Another picture has Matthew trailing after a group of well-heeled First Year Slytherins in the same broom race. Matthew's broom is ratty, burned and singed, and cracking in the middle. The Slytherin brooms are (of course) in immaculate condition and the latest models available to regular students - at least outside of school.

The caption for that last image? "Not Worthy Of Being In The Race, As You're Never Able To Catch Up."

It seems whomever created this had one thing in mind: the complete and utter demoralization of the First Year students of Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Though on one of the posters, there's a massive "X" through it with a stamped seal. The seal is of Ordo Wyvern Pyropus (Order of the Bronze Wyvern). Nobody has ANY idea who would be associated with such an organization, given their Discordian leanings....

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

Below these posters are notes written in an elegant hand.

"My dear girls,

You should, really, do your research, before you mourn the ones who are not worthy of mourning.

Tera Jallebin is a mud blood, and was never, and will never be a proper Slytherin. Her presence has done nothing but bring shame upon our House, and the fact that she was demoted only shows how unworthy she was to even touch the door, let alone set foot in, the great and Honorable House of Slytherin.

Tera Jallebin should have her wand snapped, and have been kicked out of Hogwarts for the dishonor she has visited upon Slytherin, because of her impurity she has brought shame that will take ages to wash away.

And you lot should be ashamed of yourselves, for even suggesting that Jallebin was ever a proper Slytherin. Mud bloods have no place in the House of Slytherin, and should be either expelled, or quietly moved to their proper houses of Hufflepuff and Gryffindor. Hufflepuff for the dregs of Wizarding society, and Gryffindor for the mentally deficient.

Now, why don't you try again, and find a proper Slytherin who has been demoted, and mourn her, rather than a mud blood who should have never been allowed in our illustrious presence.

Yours in purity,
Arachne Pritchard.

*All posts found by Arachne Pritchard have been destroyed, utterly and in their place the folliwng message, written elegantly*
Dear Siren Seven,
You are the most spineless, idiotic Slytherins I have ever heard of. Know that my eyes are watching carefully for a sign of your cowardly faces. For once I find you, you'll wish you had held your tongues. I am who I am, my plans are not for the dim witted fools that you are, soon I will find you, and show you the power of a True Slytherin.

_________________
Tera Jallebin - 7th Year Slytherin

"Up yours Hogwarts, Scotty the man!" - ASoL to RT on Porting

(OOC: okay, going to try yet another one of these posts. this one will be based on a character I actually know very little about. I have never stated the Slytherin Siren Seven were to be quoted for truth. I did state they would throw a stake in anything they could wound, however...)


From The Mists Do Rise - In Which Someone Decides To Bite Into A Well-Aged Morsel


Brand new poster goes up, this one in as many places as Gryffindor students specifically would normally gather. The poster has quite the blatant image of Allanon Majere with a huge "X" through it. Other images of Allanon from all the way back in his first year. Almost all of the images are in black and white, taken with a wizarding camera. From what it looks like, the pictures have been lifted from other sources and artfully placed onto the poster.

"You thought you could get away, didn't you? You thought you would just stride through the school in your tight black leather pants and not get tagged? Oh no, Allanon Majere. You do not get away so easily. What with that wierd necklace of yours, strange taste in women, and horrific choice of houses. You, little boy wonder, are next on the list of those who need to be collared and contained.

"You see, everyone, Allanon Majere is what you would call someone who needs to be beaten with stick. Not just any stick would do, mind you, but one made with the wisdom of Slytherin, and the strength of Sif. No, this boy is a menace to all that is within his sphere of influence... which makes him the perfect poster boy for Gryffindor. Not once has he come to the altar of Athena and placated her as someone born in Greece should. He's no Catholic, so he should acknowledge the powers that came from long before his birth.

"It gets better though. Ever since his first year, he's been friends with Kylindra Valerine. Her and her sister Amy are horrific influences even on the densest of minds. (It's almost a shame we could not turn back time and indoctrinate the both of them to the ways of Slytherin, but that's for another Siren to tell.) And now, they are dating. Well, they were dating before, but what happens if they do something as horrific as having children? What will they do? Put the mewling brats into a purple crib with magenta cushions around it? The levels of fashion faux pas astound even those used to seeing Evelyn Wolfe back in her first year. (Yes, there are worse things.)

"Something else we should address here: what sort of proper Greek calls their child `Allanon?' Where is the Adrastos, or the Ambrosios or even the Andronikos? Heck, I would have been satisfied with Sosigenes to be honest with you. But Allanon? It sounds like some sort of mugle motor vehicle or something. You know, something completely and utterly useless in the modern wizarding world. Sort of like the boy who wears the name, now that I think about it...

"The Majere line isn't even known outside of whatever little visage of a village they came from. They have no real blood line history. They are not very talented. And to be honest, if Allanon is anything to demonstrate, they are not all that bright. At least he's able to wear tight leather pants well. I'm sure he'll make a good pet for some intelligent older witch who wants a playtoy to experiment on.

"I am sure that at least a few of you Gryffindors will be upset by this. Good, as it's about time that babies had their little crying time-out. He's a Dark Wizard's target practice. The rumours around the school have to have some merit that he's cursed. He was wearing a skull as a necklace, for Hluodana's sake. What else does he have to do to get himself thrown into Azkaban? Sacrifice that thing Patrick Quigley calls a pet to the Keres? Get him gone already, before he does something really bad, like scuff a Sixth Year's brand new three-inch kappa-leather heels. (Those are expensive, I should remind you.)

"Allanon Majere's usefulness at Hogwarts came to an end four years ago. Flush him out, and have him take the Valerine sisters with him. We here at Slytherin do not need competition. We already know we are superior. We don't need something like Majere over there to show it any more than we do naturally."

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

(OOC: and yes, more Slytherin Siren Seven goodness is on the way. I would like to thank all the players who have supported my efforts in this. And please, if you wish to lampoon your own characters in this fashion by all means you are allowed to use this thread for that. Please remember, anything mentioned here will be considered in-game, which is why I do check far ahead of time with the players of other characters. This is not for revealing secrets of your character that nobody else knows. This is something to give your character something to rail against.)


Uncovered And Unstainted: How The Written Word Slew A Thousand Swordsmen


This poster would find itself around the following areas: the kitchens, the owlery, the conservatory, close to the bathrooms on the first floor, and inside of this one rather large room on the Fifth Floor normally used by Gryffindors and Ravenclaws to study. On the poster, the traditional (now) Slytherin Siren Seven shield is in the top left corner. In the bottom right corner, there's an image of a wax seal with the Slytherin crest within. This poster has a charcoal gray background on it, with some highlights detailing some of the content inside the borders.

The pictures are scattered throughout the poster, but all of them are of the same person: Randell Coffee. This particular poster is done in the same quality as the very first poster. There's a strong chance whichever member of the Slytherin Siren Seven did this up was the same person who specifically went after Keeferson. The pictures used are mostly of a smiling Randell with groups of non-Slytherin students. Over almost every single picture, there's an comment written in lurid crimson ink. Each comment is then followed with a wax seal, as if they have been approved for usage.

"Well now, it seems we have another one of our own to take care of. First, there was Tera Jallebin. And now, we will finally put to rest the mudblood who sullies our name by continuing to breathe, Randell Coffee. His existence has merely been whispered about in hushed tones around tables filled with proper teas and exotic desserts. Now, we will send him back to the `mean streets of Brixton' or wherever he claims he is from.

"Unlike most other Slytherins, Randell Coffee is muggle born. That is right: the Sorting Hat failed us. Even though there is no specific rule that states Slytherin is to be safe haven for all purebloods, that is what Salazar Slytherin himself wanted for us. And by allowing Randell Coffee to be sorted into Slytherin, no true Slytherin will ever trust the judgement of magical items ever again.

"Yes, I have heard the legend that `The Sorting Hat Is Never Wrong.' I have heard a certain Ravenclaw or two continuously quote this at one of Randell Coffee's companions: the Hound of Hufflepuff. If you do not know whom this is, you should really be keeping up to date. Just because the Sorting Hat does not make errors, it does not mean the Sorting Hat could not have made a better decision. After all, it put a hulking behemoth in Hufflepuff, a loud-mouthed ruffian in Slytherin, and a megalomaniac in Ravenclaw. Clearly they were all Gryffindor material, and the hat somehow dropped the crystal ball for those three.

"Randell Coffee is a point-sink. Meaning if you ever want to lose points for your House, Randell's the one to go to. He was the first Slytherin I ever watched unconsciously -lose- points for Slytherin... inside of Double Potions! How do you manage to upset your own Head of House so completely he throws you out BEFORE you can poison yourself with your own badly made work? Professor Snape makes sure to have tutors available for just about ever Year for Slytherin. And to think, Randell could not even think to ask for assistance? Coward, fool, and lazy does he resemble without effort. Imagine how much worse it would be if tried at it?

"Di we mention that Randell has a big mouth? Not that he's going around and telling the secrets and tidbits of others (as far I can see).That would undoubtedly get him burned in more way that one. I mean, he is willing to argue with anyone. He has obviously never bothered to learn the golden rule about his talking: `silence is golden.' Spewing out random quotations from a stupid muggle into the ear of a stupid muggle-born is fine, as neither are important in the greater scheme of things. But allowing even a single measure of pure-blood importance to fall into the hands of some lowlife scum such as...

"I cannot even complete that thought. The ramifications are just too horrid to contemplate without a glass of wine and book of Unstandardized Hexes in front of me. Not even Druppi Tallow aggravates me to such distraction. And he is another one certainly overdue mention here. For now, I must stick with the clown and catastrophe known as Randell Coffee. In time, shall the others all fall and languish underneath my three-and-three-quarters inch nundu-leather spike stilleto heels.

"Randell Coffee, know your only merit is the beverage you seem to have taken to name and to heart. Some of your more exotic blends have been requisitioned and proven to actually be worthy of the Slytherin Seal of Significance. Yes, that -is- one of the reasons your room was raided two years previous. You should be grateful you have made something worth taking from you. And even with all this jibberish being printed on your door, we will be taking it from you again. We could easily ask, but you are not worthy of your own creation. If it were not for that, we would have told you to kill yourself by now.

"To end this, I would have to say that Randell Coffee's being rendered House-less by his own actions has to be one of the best things to occur to Hogwarts in a long time. There are other unworthy Slytherins who ought join you... and remain there. In fact, there are quite a few students from all the Houses who ought to be forced into a circle and hexed into submission. However, such frivolities are frowned upon. I do not see why, as none of those who would be "called" would be missed to begin with. So to you, Randell, I do hope one of your rich friends can purchase more of the beans for you. As if you ever stop doing the one thing you are good at, your next stop will be on a train home from Hogwarts, never to return."

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

(OOC: yes I am being brave and attempting to post three of these in a singular day. I just hope that I can retain the quality for each posting. I know I was a little lazy for Caitlyn and Matthew. I do apologize. I was aiming to get something done, and I didn't know how I wanted to proceed. hopefully this one will hit the target I am aiming for.)


The Astrological Archer: When The Moon Shines Down Upon The Wretched Seas


Three in one day! Slytherin First and Second Years have been dashing around the castle trying to find them all. The older Slytherins watch the general patterns of the younger Slytherins and -then- go and check them out... on their own time. After all, it is not as if they are coming down right away. The Slytherin Siren Seven have sunk their fangs into yet another victim. These posters are found in some of the most rare of locations. Strange, but not completely without merit. The posters have on it a young woman whom very few new students would recognize. In fact, many of the other students would not readily recall her either. Those that would, however, may find this particular series of cuts most wounding indeed...

The "frame" of the poster seems to be done with a woven basket design. The poster is once more of the oval shape. On the inside rim of the design, there are a series of glyphs. Each of the glyphs symbolizes something. Only those whom are experts at reading ancient Norse, ancient Gallic, or ancient Welsh would have a hope of translating it. The fact anyone would use such a thing shows either a deep understanding of what they are using... or complete and utter ignorance. One would hope it is the former and not the latter. Inside that ring of characters, the names of various goddess from mythology are written: Innana, Bastet, Freyja, Nyai Lara Kidul, Pélé, Hathor, Astarte, Eris, Brigantia, and Sati.

"And here will we briefly address, the legend of our own version of Sleeping Beauty: Amber Ramsey. Sleeping Beauty indeed, in the vein of that muggle author we were all forced to read in Muggle Studies class H.P. Lovecraft. She who remains in St. Mungo's dreaming, under cover of shadows of mind and graveyards of thought. She who most have forgotten and the few who remember cannot truly recall.

"I hope she rots there.

"Amber Ramsey was, to put it simply, a thug. A thug with a magic stick and really terrible track record for friends. Then again, anyone who depends on people like Amber did deserves whatever happens to them. She is in that hospital bed, probably drooling out her days because of whatever went down with her and those two `best friends' of hers from back in the day. I don't remember their names all that well, but I do remember one of them was a Hufflepuff. Worthless pieces of faithless trash, the lot of them.

"I remember seeing her in the hallways. Even when she was smiling, there was still terror in those big doe eyes of hers lingering somewhere. One of those fears that only happens when you did something in a past life and karma's made you pay for it all the way through this one. Not like I know much about seeking through the sands of history, but I wouldn't be surprised if she ate one of her own kids back in the 1700s. Cannibalism will definitely skunk up your reincarnations for a few lifetimes.

"Wonder how old she would be now. Eighteen? Nineteen? Twenty? And if she ever did manage to wake up, one has to wonder how busted and diseased she would look in comparison to someone who had the opportunity to take care of herself. More than likely, all she'd do is pull a morbid Rapunzel and hang herself with her own hair. Not that she would even have the chance to do anything beyond that. She threw herself into whatever comatose state she's in. She shouldn't be sucking up good pure-blooded wizarding tax Galleons in St. Mungo's. Send her off to one of those good-for-nothing muggle establishments like some beast of burden that she is.

"Got an owl from a cousin of mine that works in St. Mungo's. No, I'm not telling you all who she might even be. Anonymity is the key to getting the good stuff. For a living dead girl, she gets a lot of visitors. There are members of the Ministry of Magic who don't get even a notice from their supervisors if they wind up in Bandage-land. This girl? Every month, someone from Hogwarts drops in to check on her. I wasn't able to get more than that from the letter, as some idiot Seventh Year Ravenclaw on a rampage knocked over a bottle of Damkina-blessed ink over all my papers. Before I could hex him, however, he had already made a clean getaway, involving himself in a full on spell-war with two Sixth Year Gryffindors. I'll have something to say about him another day...

"In the end, Amber Ramsey might as well join Shub-Niggurath and fade off into fiction. There's no prince riding in on a dark horse to kiss her awake. There'll be no soft spoken cherubim to lead her back into the light. The people at St. Mungo's should just cut the broken puppet's strings and let her collapse into dust. There's no future for her, so why waste the resources keeping her in the present tense?"

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

This note is posted on the Siren Seven "Randell Coffee" posters closest to Slytherin common.

"The Slytherin Siren Seven: Living proof you can not judge a book by its cover.

My dear Sirens,

I believe it would behoove you to do your research, well before you make these posters. It will allow you to libel somebody properly, without embarrassing yourselves.

For instance, my last name is "Coffey", not "Coffee." There are other details you have gotten blatantly wrong, but I shall leave it to you to discover for yourselves. The expansion of your minds, and exercise in actual fact-finding will do you a world of good.

Nice to know that you lot have confessed to raiding my Hufflepuff blend stash. Doubt you will be hearing from Professor Snape, but he has taken a small interest in the pure blood fundies who have been tagging my door...

Yes, the so-called "exotic brew" is merely Hufflepuff House Blend Coffee. I am sure, if you have been a long-time drinker of the Slytherin House Blend, the simplicity and harmony of flavors would seem rather exotic, compared to the muddled overcomplexity of Slytherin's house blend.
I probably could improve the Slytherin blend, but the House Elves will not allow me anywhere near the beans. Pity really.



Well, sirens, it has been fun. Nice to know that little ole me is worthy of your attention.

Hope you are more accurate in your next poster.

Randell Coffey

P. S.

By the way, ladies, it would be appreciated if you'd post your pictures, next time as well. I would, at least, like to know that I am being dissed by some lovely, on the outside at least, lasses rather than girls what can pass for a grytrash in a dark alley."

(ooc: this is in response to the responses in-character and in-game the Slytherin Siren Seven have received. their eyes are everywhere. their spies are everywhere. and yes, they even placed a bug in your ear. there is nowhere for you to run and hide! well, that is what they want you to think in any case...)


This Gentle Night: Nothing Lasts Forever When You Want It To Badly Enough


Apparently, the Slytherin Siren Seven have heard some of these responses in the hallways, and read some of their "fan mail." Choosing to take the low road, the Slytherin Siren Seven have a new series of posters up. These ones are calling people out by name, with questions and answers. Of course, nothing here should be taken as gospel, only gossip. (Okay, in the case of some students, everyone knows they said it.)

The poster is a simple black matte with a lime green font. The bright colour was apparently enchanted, as some of the time the letters actually shift positions and give a completely different message. Not that the message is any kinder or more professional, however. The young women are apparently intent on going for the gusto... and kicking people into the gutter. The thing that bothers a few of those reading the poster is that there are no cool pictures to check out at the same time. The border of the poster is a gun-metal gray with the same dull sheen as polished iron.

"So then, Slytherins, non-Slytherins, worthless dregs, and the Houseless Many... It seems people have a problem with the truth of their personalities being dragged out into the street and electrocuted in front of the roaring and teeming masses. We here in the Slytherin Siren Seven have one thing to say to that:

"Good! It means we are getting to you, getting at you, and getting INTO you. No, you perverted little Huffle-sluts. You won't be seeing our magic sticks going anywhere close to you, unless we are hexing you blind, deaf, and dumb. And then, the least of your worries would be our wands. Pathetic little soggy-breathed quintaped-droppings, you should just curl up with a good book and hide under the covers... but we almost forgot that most of you can't read to begin with.

"Now then, who do we lash out at first with our whips of woe, our quills of quarreling, our pens of purgatory. Oh I know, let's go looking for a blood traitor in our midsts! We'll start with Karenza Norrington. Apparently you've had some choice statements for what you would love to do to us if you found us. Let me tell you, oh Miss Streamlined Skanktacula, if you even tried to face the worst one of us, you'd end up flat on your back - a position we understand you are as familiar with as the average girl in Ravenclaw.

"Next on the chopping block! Let's return to one of our favourite people, shall we? Felicia Doyle, of the House of Harridans, had something to say about Slytherins being cruel for no good reason whatsoever. Pish posh, puffskein-face! We have plenty of reasons for being cruel. First and foremost, our cruelty is a kindness rather than letting you mindless sheep stroll around the school like nothing was wrong with you. Secondly, it amuses us to watch your weak-minded First Year snotlings fall into tears from a few choice words. And third, but definitely not the last reason: we can, you little trollop. What are you going to do about it? Nothing, so go back to little hovel with your seventeen brothers and sisters and sleep in the dirt like the piglet you are.

"Hrmm, whom else decided to open their mouths and stick in their feet? I know, let's have a few words with the random Gryffindors who tried to support their fallen idol, Eric Goodrich: shut up. No, seriously, shut up. All you are doing is making yourselves sound even more ignorable. Nobody likes him for him. Everyone likes him for his body. He should just walk around in Y-fronts and stompy boots in his House colours and the world would be a better place. Of course, his mouth would be covered with his Gryffindor badge and tied there with a cravat. We do have class here, you know.

"Going back to our own House, apparently Randell Coffey - or Coffee, Cofé, Cauphey - had a problem with us spelling his name wrong. Suck it up, princess. You've had this coming for a long time. And since you insist that the brew you've been hoarding is nothing more than Hufflepuff's style of coffee, we'll test that out for ourselves. If this is the case, your days in Slytherin are numbered. And we'll be sending them to you in single digits. Not to mention, you've never had a place in Slytherin. You aren't smart enough. You aren't crafty enough. And you definitely aren't powerful enough. You should have run far from here when you had the chance back in First Year. And since Sleeping Beauty (aka your friend the Tyrant of Tinseltown, Keeferson the Creep) isn't waking up any time soon, there'll be nobody around to save you.

"We've yet to really tuck our fangs into any Ravenclaws yet. Don't worry, Tyson Swift - your soft little backside is up for roasting really soon. Just be thankful there are a few people ahead of you we've yet to cast Incendio on in paper. After we're done with them, we'll gladly get back to you.

"Oh yes, who was it now that had something big and bold to say while our backs were turned? Was that you, Kris Marner? The one person who makes Keeferson's constant bellyaching and ******** lightweight in comparison with your sullen glares and your constant whirlpool imitations? Oh we have something for you as well, Kris. We have a few things for you indeed.

"And one last person before we go: Tera Jallebin. We have something for you as well. If you think what's in store for Randell Toffeefay and Credenza Borington was bad, we have a brand new scale of ***whoop waiting for you in a future poster. You, your cute little boyfriend (who we'll be taking from you), your dog, and your pet fish. Don't think we'll stop there either. You never learn, so you are going to have to be taught - the old-fashioned way."

_________________
One character thus far:
Ares Richard Keeferson, Hufflepuff Hardcase
Redefining "user-unfriendly" since 1976.

Kyli reads this latest poster as she's walking towards the greenhouses and scoffs. The Siren Seven girls are getting bold obviously. Perhaps its time to make a message clear. She decides to write back a little message for these bigot slytherin fools. Using her most formal handwriting and crystal blue ink, she writes the following note:

"To the Siren Seven.

Obviously you all seem to have all the negative aspects of Slytherin house, congratulations for further backing up why few people have any real respect towards it. I mean really, petty attacks on students you think you're above? Okay so perhaps spying on people and using these posters to try and slander them has an effect, but honestly its such a childish thing to do. You have a problem with someone, confront them yourself. Oh wait, you don't have the bite to back up your bark. What was I thinking?

You can keep playing this little game, but you're on the border of making things ugly. Unless you really like people deciding to hex you until you're a tangled mess on the floor, you might want to consider quitting while you're ahead. I'm not saying I will, I don't have time for petty games like this. However others might not be so passive about you all putting your noses where they don't belong.

You have been warned.

- Kylindra Valerine"

_________________

Zackary Fang -- Kylindra Valerine

Next to Kylindra's note is another one.

"My my my. Aren't you lot charming. Still, your obviously still a cowardly lot, because you chose not to post pictures of yourselves, or even sign your real names on the posters.

Afraid that your victims would hex you in the halls once they knew who you are?

You should be, you hags. Yes, I went there. No matter how lovely you may be on the outside, gels, you're still hags in your hearts. Ugly, cruel, and petty.

You clump are no ladies. I can tell that much from this rater nasty little missive. Don't like people who don't share your opinion? That's tough, dears, but neither the school nor the world revolves around you.

Now why don't you lot show a little backbone, and reveal to the school who you are. If you are as powerful as you say you are, you can most certainly hold your own against the people who want to hang draw and quarter you.

By the by, gels, if you don't want me in Slytherin, why don't you convince both Professor Snape and Headmistress McGonigall that I should be resorted then, hm? I tried it, myself, and was told I needed to grow up.

Toodles,
Randell Coffey"