She rested her head on her arms. She stared at the desk for a few minutes. He’s not dead. He’s sleeping. “Sleeping.” She quietly repeated the word, as if it would make it any more true. The Angel’s sleeping. “Is he my angel?” She stared at the wood thoughtfully. “Are the First and the Third the same? I’m sure they’re different.” She paused. “But I’m not smart. How would I know?” She breathed out through her nose. “I don’t. I can only guess.” She pursed her lips. “But I know more than everyone else, don’t I?”
Don’t we?
That boy.
Stop.
He likes you.
But I don’t like him.
But you can learn to. Like with the Curiosity.
I hold no interest for him.
Then why did you talk to him?
I’m not allowed to speak to people?
You’re thinking about it. I know.
I may think about it, but I’ll never do it.
Liar.
Why would I do that? It would do no good.
You would be able to breathe.
I can breathe right now.
Barely. You want to stop.
What good would it do if I stopped?
Plenty.
Liar.
She shook her head.
Hypocrites!
She ignored the remark and procured her notebook.

2/25/11

The Angel is sleeping.
When will the Angel wake up?

I wish they would leave me alone.
I wish they would ignore me.
All but one.

Will the Angel awake?

3/1/11

Tahw si doog tuohtiw live?

“We’ve killed the Happiness, haven’t we?” She dropped her pen and placed her head in her hands.
I strangled her, didn’t I? I made her shut up.
We’re making our own nightmare come true?
It’s all metaphorical anyway.
It doesn’t have to be.
Yes it does!
Medicine!
Right.
Do you try to make me hate you?
I think it’s the other way around.
I think you’re just grumpy!
Why must I live with you?
Because you love us! Me, anyway.
Silence.
Never!
Metaphors mean nothing to you.
Exactly. I was this close. Do you honestly think you can keep on like this?
Maybe. It’s just another week or month or so.
You say it like he’s coming back.
Shut up.
You remember what she said. “Perhaps you made him feel as he should.”
Stop it!
Well, you’ve obviously killed the First.
I didn’t! I didn’t kill the First!
Of course you did. I’ve just killed the Second.
The Happiness? The Gem? You tried killing her before, remember?
That was when the First was here. The First is dead.
Shut up!
I’m hungry.
Where the hell did that come from?
I’m hungry! Geez, I’m just saying.
Don’t think you’ve gotten away so easily. You have to sleep tonight.
Yup!
“I can hardly contain my excitement.” She murmured dryly.
Neither can I.

They both lie. They both will. Who would want you?
He will. He loves her. The Gem loves her, too, but hates him.
I winced.
Oh, you’d know all about lying. Do you see what he’s trying to do? He takes you for granted. You should stop. It’s killing you. If you stopped loving him – imagine. You’d be able to breathe. You’d be able to live. You wouldn’t need to have nightmares. Just let him go. Listen to your friends.
My friend sniffed a little, seeming more worried. I curled into a tighter ball, as if that would protect me from the harsh remarks.
“What’s going on…? Tell me.”
Leave her alone.
“They’re arguing.” I replied, my voice barely more than a murmur.
“Eurgh.” Was all she said.
What has she done to you? Disobey you? You’re horrible. You have never shown her any love. He’s what she needs.
Shut up. Who gave you permission to talk? I’m in charge.
No. No you’re not. It’s slipping from you. You know it is. That’s why you’re doing this. You’re desperate. Who’s the weakling now?
“What are they saying?”
It felt like my head was being slowly pulled apart, like it was splitting through the middle excruciatingly slowly. I cried. What else could I do?
Stop taunting me like that or next time it’ll be you who feels that.
“I c-can’t say.” I whispered. It was a half-truth. I could technically tell her, but I was afraid.
“Why?” She knew me too well.
You can’t hurt me. That’s why you hurt her. I’m here to stop you.
She fiddled with some of her hair.
No, you’re here because she’s a sad human being.
“They’re arguing.” I said quietly.
She frowned. “Try thinking of happy things.” It’s easy enough for her to say.
Perhaps, but you’re not much better.
“That’s what they’re arguing about.”
Leave her alone.
“About happy stuff? That’s kinda… odd…”
Fine. But I don’t think you’ll appreciate what I’m going to do to you.
My eyes widened.
Ohh, you’re sooo dead.
So be it.
She blinked a few times. “What is it?”
“Never mind.”